Mountain Bike mayhem
Many years ago when I wasn't fat with a bad back I was quite a keen mountain biker.There was a small group of us who used to go out a couple of times a week through the Purbeck Hills, riding to pubs, necking several pints of Wife Beater and then wobbling back.
One weekend we decided to plan a trip abroad and so left the safety of Dorset and headed into the unknown wilds of Wiltshire.
We decided to ride around Avebury, which, if any of you know the area, is high chalk downlaod with some cracking climbs and fast descents.
Now, one of our number was nicknamed Captain Crap. He was a nice enough bloke but a complete prat. He had recently decided to buy a new bike and, being new to the sport, had asked our advice. As it was in the days before you got any suspension on a bike worth less than £1000 we suggested he get himself a bike with a sound frame (like a Stump Jumper) and added things like suspension forks to it as and when he could afford it. Rather than following said advice he went down Halfords and spent £3.99 on a Saracen full bouncer. This bike was so shit that it used to regularly chuck him off when he went round roundabouts on the road!
Getting back to the story, on this particular day it was raining and when chalk gets wet it's rather a lot like ice. We all got to the top of a really long, steep descent and an evil plan was hatched among the rest of us without even speaking. We all looked at each other and knew exactly what to do. We dared him to beat us all down to the bottom. He accepted the bet and we all got really pepsi-maxed up, track standing and really working ourselves into a frenzy.
As one of us shouted "Go!" Captain Crap tore off down the slope as fast as he could and disappeared round the first corner. the rest of us sat back on our saddles and grinned at each other.
Presently, we headed off down the slope rather gingerly, taking it easy given the hazardous conditions. As we rounded the first corner there lay his bike with Captain Crap laying some distance away looking very unhappy indeed!
Length? About 20 feet I think
(give it six weeks and it might clear up would like to butter your muffin, Wed 7 Nov 2007, 16:30, Reply)