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This is a question Stupid Dares

I once dared my mate to eat one of those blue cakes out of a urinal. He won his 50p, and got his stomach pumped into the bargain.

Stupid dares, eh?

(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 11:22)
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Not so much of a dare
Meh...

A friend of mine whilst at University came up with the Wetherspoons challenge, which basically entails drinking the entire colour menu that they have on the tables in a Wetherspoons pub.

Messy, very messy.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:58, 1 reply)
I dare you to jump that wall.
I must've been 7 or maybe 8, the last hot summer of the 1970s.

A new kid had arrived and being the cliquey, xenophobic little sods we were back then, we ostracised him pretty much the whole summer.

Almost every day it seemed, we were having to fend off his advances to participate in our little 'gang'.

He would bring us sweets from the shop to share. On reflection we could've simply nicked them and given him the hint, but we ignored him whilst he sat there munching away on Ringos and Marathon bars, repeatedly asking us if we were sure we didnt want any.

One of our number, Tim - an arboreal brute of a child - one day decided to throw the gauntlet down to him.

"If you're so keen to hang around with us, you'll have to take a test", he announced.

This was met with enthusiasm from the new lad, who was obviously keen to make new friends.

Tim pointed to a wall at the far end of the playing field. "Jump that wall, and if you can do it without getting hurt, you're in".

New kid agreed and hastily, like a runner preparing for a race, limbered up and began ambling toward the wall, his speed increasing with every step until he was sprinting at it. He jumped, with the grace of a gazelle, in an elegant ballet of upward motion and then disappeared down behind the wall.

What Tim, or indeed anyone else, had omitted to tell him was that although the wall was 4 feet on the playing field side, the ground the other side banked away sharply in a steep descent to the churchyard.

The new boy had landed awkwardly and rolled down the hill, quickly rendering himself unconscious on a headstone.

I have to conclude this anecdote by pointing out that we were true to our word, and once he came out of hospital we all became best of friends, which we have remained to date.

Everybody say Ahhhhhh.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:47, 4 replies)
Face plant dad
This was probably one of the funniest things i've ever seen my dad do in my life. As a kid I always looked up to my dad as a sporty preson that didn't really make a hash of things.

A few years ago I went on about a 30 mile bike ride with him and we were getting towards the end of it (about 2 miles away) when we cut down this muddy track. It had been raining quite heavily for about a week before so the ground was muddy but only slightly. We arrived at a little section of what can only be described as a bog. It had about 3 inch wide raised planks of wood across it that stretched for about 30 feet.

Right, thought I, I dared him to cycle across it all the way to the other side. Once you were going there was nowhere to stop otherwise you were going in the mud (that didn't LOOK very deep) either side of the planks.

I put my bike on the plank and pushed the pedals round once and managed to bodge my way across, just. Next up is my dad who sets his bike up, pushes off but doesn't pedal hard enough, takes a wobble, then his front wheel falls off the plank and drops about 6 inches into the mud. The thing is it just kept sinking and my dad gets catapulted head first over the handlebars. He lets out a little squeal and then lands face first in the wet, foot deep mud. He's on all fores with his face and body absolutely covered.

I couldn't stop laughing so hard that I nearly wee'd! It still makes me laugh writing this now.

Apologise for length but i'm afraid God just gifted me with a big one.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:38, Reply)
Not so much a dare
more a challenge.

During sixth form, a friend and I devised the 20 Nugget Challenge (TM)

Pretty self explanatory really. Buy 20 mcdonalds nuggets. Eat dry, no drink or sauce or anything.
At that age/waist measurement it was a difficult feat, as the dryness and bloatiness kicked in at around the 16 mark. Next day it makes your shit bone dry...

We later extended the challenge to include a large milkshake for afters, and eventually to the 40 Nugget Challenge(TM)

Succeeded by the KFC Bucket Challenge(TM)

Also, lunchtime at the nearest pub, same friend ran a different challenge. One had to eat a 1lb burger with all associated salad and chips, followed by Revenge of the Candyman II, an ice cream sundae thing designed for at least 2 people, and 2 pints of your choice. The prize was a pint from everyone else at a later date. As far as I remember, nobody he knew completed it...

Oh and I completed the Didsbury Dozen on Guinness once. 12 pints of the black stuff over the course of about 5 hours. Messy...
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:37, Reply)
Mad Ben
Now I'm certain that someone on here will have come across this bloke. Mad Ben from Sheffield. As far as I can remember he's some sort of Estate Management type bloke. Public school hooray-Henry - and he went to Newcastle Uni.

Right. Bona-fides done, letís get on with the story.

Mad Ben can drink for England. Hell, he can drink for Europe. If there were drinking Olympics, he'd be a medal winner. Sadly, there aren't so he uses his talent to win bets or dares.

One trick, that I've seen him do at least 20 times, is to bet someone that he can drink a pint of beer and eat a packet of peanuts in under three seconds. Every time he makes this boast, there's always someone who bets that he can't. So he does.

He gets the pint, opens the peanuts and asks an independent person to time him. Then, on go, he pours the peanuts into the pint and necks the lot in one swallow. He's got the knack of just opening his throat and pouring stuff straight down it.

Aye - impressive. But not as impressive as his other trick which is to drink three pints in under 10 seconds. Seen him do it many, many times.

But his best performance, *ever* was in a pub in Gosforth. The locals were wise to him now and wouldn't dare him to do anything regarding beer drinking as most had been stung for at least 20 quid and the cost of the beer he drank. So Ben was getting more and more boastful to try and lure his marks into betting him. this one night, he went from offering to drink 3 in 10 seconds to 4 in 12.

So up steps Mr Duns, a legend in his own right.

"OK Ben - I bet you 50 quid that you can't drink 4 pints of Speckled Hen in under 12 seconds." quoth the man-mountain, Mr Duns.

"You're on" says Ben.

Now Ben has a little ritual he goes through before attempting one of these feats. He goes outside, into the fresh air and does a lot of deep-breathing and psyching himself up for the challenge. In truth, it doesn't do buggery for his drinking abilities but, as he explained to me one night:

"It adds to the show - gives the punters what they want to see and makes what I do look more difficult.."

In short, he was just a showman....

So, this night, the 4 in under 12 challenge, he went outside to do his usual pre-match warm up. And he huffed, and he puffed and he drank in oxygen and then charged back into the bar where four pints were lined up on the bar.

"Timekeeper?" he snapped

"Me" says the landlord.

"Them on my mark. Three. Two. One. GO!"

And he ripped into the first pint. Then the second, and the third. Then he grabbed the fourth with two hands and chugged it down. Slamming the pint onto the bar, he looked at the landlord.

"10.7 seconds I make it" says landlord.

A few cheers, a lot of claps then Ben looks at Mt Duns.

"That'll be fifty quid please" belches Ben.

"Err - not quite" says Mr Duns "The bet was for you to drink four pints of Speckled Hen in under 12 seconds"

"Aye" says Ben

"Well you haven't done it yet. You've just drank four pints of Exhibition" grinned Mr Dunns - "Your Speckled Hen is over there, on top of the bandit...."

Now a lesser man would have crumpled. He'd have folded, given in - but not Ben. He marched over to the bandit, put the four pints of Speckled Hen on a table in front of him, called for a timekeeper and sank the lot in 11.3.

Then he was violently sick. But he won the bet....

Cheers

I'll spell and grammar check this later. It's past midnight here and time for my bed....
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:28, 8 replies)
Poland! Are you joking?
But I'll get in trouble..

No you won't it's only little and no-one's looking.

Yeah but, if Neville finds out he'll shit on me head!

What's wrong.... you chicken?

No, it's just that!

Gay chicken! Gay Chicken! Gay chicken having bum sex with other gay and bi-curios chickens!

Fine I'll invade fucking Poland, honestly Goebells you can be such a cunt-monkey sometimes.


And that is the true story of how World War 2 started.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:23, 5 replies)
I once saw this big rabbit
run straight into a fence post.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:20, 3 replies)
Seeing as it's nearly Guy Fawkes night
here's a story about fireworks, and a dare.

My mate Michael, in his younger day, was a bit of a lad. He and his pals would get up to all sorts of mischief, which in those days was seen as just that, although today it would probably have earned him an ASBO or two.

Anyway, they dared this one bloke, whom they didn't like, to hold a lit banger. "No way", he said. So Michael demonstrated the technique.

He took a banger, gripped it tightly round the top of the cardboard body and lit the touchpaper. It fizzled a bit, then went out. "All you need to do is hold it tightly, and it won't go off", said Michael to the hapless victim.

So he reluctantly accepted the dare, in view of the evidence suggesting no harm would befall him. The banger was duly lit, the lad hanging on tightly to it with white knuckles and a look of trepidation on his face. Trepidation which was entirely justified, because as the circle of boys watching him became gradually larger in circumference as they moved away....

BANG!

Result - one extremely stunned victim, with a burned hand, which in fact he was fortunate still to possess as part of his person.

What they hadn't told him was that Michael had previously emptied the powder out of the demonstration banger!

What a bunch of bastards.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:17, 2 replies)
Bad timing
When I was younger we fell out with one of our mates. He became a bit of a prick so we decided to cut ties with him.

Unfortunately for him he left a pair of kickers at our house (this was 10 years ago). So my mates dared me to take a dump in them an leave them on his doorstep on fire. Harsh I know, but we were nippers.

So I did the dirty, and ran. For some reason there were loads of cars in the drive but I didn't think too much about it. We found out in school the next day that his mum had died and he would be having some time off. All the cars must have been for the funeral.

I still feel shitty about it to this day. He left them at my house so there was no denying who did it.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:17, 6 replies)
It's invisible and it hurts
I once dared my mate Phil to shit on an electric fence. Much hilarity ensued amongst the onlookers as the pulse current coursed through his colon. Strangley enough Phil wasn't quite so amused.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:11, Reply)
shout a swearword at school
Many many years ago, while valiently failing a plethora of GCSE's we had a dare during a class. How loudly can you say the word "bollocks" without getting a detention.

It started very quietly, with the first few whispers, followed by a mumble of said curse.

It escalated up to "cough cough cough BOLLOCKS cough cough" then a sneeze along the lines of "ahh ahhh AHHH CHOOOOOBLLOCKS" blown nose. This left me next, in a bit of a quandry.

so i inhaled.

exhaled

inhaled

and in best Pavarotti style unleashed a

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL OHOHOHOHOOOOOHHHOoooooooOOOOOOOooooohhhHHHhoh HOOO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKSAH!"

dissolving a line of children into tears of laughter. luckily the support teacher was deaf as a post and I just about got away with a "what the bloody hell are you doing you noisy little bugger" and being thrown out of the class.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:06, 6 replies)
More eyes...
When I was four my dad worked on the supply boats servicing the North Sea oil rigs. He was working out of Norway and we went over one summer to spend some time with him.

The cook on the boat had some cod and dared my older brother to feed the eyes to me.

Which he did. He told me they were crocodile eyes and they were a delicacy. So I ate them and they were delicious. Sort of salty and crunchy and runny and chewy all at the same time. I asked for, and received, seconds and I enjoyed them so much I didn't notice the entire crew were watching me eat them.

For years when ever anyone asked me what my favourite food was I would say crocodile eyes and explain that they were a delicacy from Egypt and they were very hard to get hold of.

Years later (I was in my thirties) I was discussing food with my mum. I remembered the crododile eyes and how I had enjoyed so much and she finally told me what they were.

Hmm, maybe this should have been in the conned QOTW from a couple of weeks ago.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 13:06, 2 replies)
Necking Stuff
I must have been trying to impress people... who knows.

Anyways, student days, i bet everyone a pint (between them) that if they all gob'd (i.e. spat, hocked, grebbed, flemmed... euugh... thats enough) into a pint glass - I'd neck it.

so they did, for like 20 minutes, with a few tab ends and a bit of ash.

So, I stepped up to the oche, raised the pint glass to my fellow ermm... mates? and without hesitation downed the now 1/2 pint of spit-mixture, even to the point a bit dribled on my lip, i sssluurrrpppppeeedd it up.

Que 2 of the lads spontaneously puking. Ahh well, I won my pint -as it was a student pint - it cost them 50p!

It's the winning that counts!
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:56, 9 replies)
School
As the slightly rotund unpopular kid at school I more often than not fell into the trap of taking on stupid dares to gain popularity, so I've got quite a few of these.

The first that springs to mind was French class, circa Year 9. Fat Freddy had been robbed of his very expensive new trainers that he was not really supposed to be wearing but had 'medical reasons' for doing so. More accurately he had been robbed of one trainer and said trainer was doing a very good impersonation of a ball as it was thrown around the classroom.

When it reached me, someone shouted 'Throw it out the window', which quickly becoming chants of 'Window! Window! Window!' With little hesitation and desperately snatching at a chance to be popular for a nanosecond I took aim and launched the trainer full pelt at the window.

Only for someone with quicker reactions than me to reach across and slam the window shut. Now if there's one advantage of being fat, it's strength and there was no way this high speed bullet trainer was being stopped by a pane of glass. Smash! Straight through the glass, out of the 3 storey building. Worse still, it didn't seem to lose any speed as it hurtled to the ground to arrive very non-discretely on the bonce of our French teacher.

Oops. Nearly got excluded for that one.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:53, Reply)
Curry Dare
I once ordered the hottest vindaloo known to man and to be honest, struggled to get the bubbling bowl of viscous fire juice down.
I instead dared my drunken pal £100 if he could down the lot in one, which he gladly accepted.

Now I thought there was no way he would be able to do it as this stuff was like sulphuric acid and would do a serious mischief to the guts if consumed...
He shook my hand, tilted back the balti dish and expertly downed about a pint of nuclear cuisine - straight.
We watched amazed at this feat, as he calmly insisted after that it was hardly hot at all (baring in mind a drop on the end of your finger could peel skin).

I then had to inform him that I had no £100, and had no intention of ever paying up.

Later that night he shat the bed about 6 times.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:53, 2 replies)
I'm tough, me!
For some reason people are scared of me. Don't know why as I'm soft as shit.

Anyhoo! When I worked for this one company we used to share making the brews for everyone. Two of us would go to the kettle and do the business. I always did it with this guy who I've mentioned before in past qotw's. Often, for a laugh I would burn his hand with the spoon after making the teas, because I'm like that. He would leap about the room like a fool clutching his hand and had burn marks for days. It was all done in jest, I assure you. Well, after a while he was getting sick of this and bet this other guy in the office to do it to me as I would be on my guard with himself. So at brew time the teas were stirred and this guy then quickly puts the spoon on my hand. I stood there, not moving or saying anything while this spoon burnt my hand. I just stared into this guys eyes and smiled at him. Freaked him out completely and I become a person never to be messed with. It hurt like shit and had a nasty burn for ages but it was worth it just for the kudos.

I love having a high pain threshold.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:52, 8 replies)
Tampax
Many years ago, whilst on a French exchange with my school, we found the outer tube from a Tampax on a beach.

We dared a kid in my class to lick it for 10 Francs.

The stupid bastard did - and he didn't get his 10 francs. What a loser.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:51, Reply)
Mmmmm, eyes
Picture the scene: 4th year (14-15 yo) Biology class, we're all in pairs dissecting cows' eyes provided by the local butcher. Great fun, you slice the things along the "equator", open it up, get out the vitreous humour (like clear jelly) and chuck bits of it at people, admire the retina, then slice open the front half and take out the lens.

Our had a cataract, so was no good for focussing light onto paper like we were supposed to do. So I ask my mate how much he'll take to eat it. "A fiver," he says.

One class whip round later...

Me: "I've got £3.65, will that do?"
Him: "OK" *gulp!*

A little later...

Biology teacher: "Where's your lens?"
Me: "Er... dunno sir."

Apparently it didn't taste of anything much.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:47, Reply)
Bicycle dare
I remember in my childhood a group of us were at Tim's house which came out at the top of Prince of Wales Park in Bingley. It is at the top of a 2 in 1 hill and is around a third of a mile long. We were all on bikes outside and Tim was on this really crapped out BMX that everyone was taking the piss out of. In some moment of genius I thought it would be a great idea if we took turns to go down the Park on it.

We dared Tim to do it, but he was unwilling to budge so an insane guy by the name of Michael and another guy called Alex decided they were up for it on the same bike together. So off they went pedalling unnecessarily up to speed when I heard Michael scream "There's no fooking brakes!" as they flew down the hill. All I could see was them getting smaller and smaller in the distance obviously being unable to stop. At the bottom of the park is a small entrance way with a pillar to prevent motorbikes from coming into the park, which somehow they managed to avoid. This unfortunately sent them out straight on to the main road where they apparently flew across at peak time managing to miss everything in their path. They then skidded across on to an adjacent quieter road where they managed to do a rolling stop.

How they survived or did not get injured, I do not know. No one else wanted to do it afterwards.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:46, Reply)
Because i got dared once...
I cut open a flying saucer sweet and snorted the sherbet.

It was good shit.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:45, 2 replies)
snort a line
had a mate who owed a dealer some money (not much about £50) but couldnt get the cash together and was likely to get some bother. anyway several of us offered to give / loan him the money but he didnt want to owe us, so eventually we ended up convincing him to take a bet, £50 says you cant snort a 1 foot long fat line of cigarette ash.

well a few minutes, an interesting coloured face and a fair amount of puking later he had his £50, we all had a bit of a laugh and all was right with the world. so matt, thanks you actually made me cry with laughter that day, and i only had to fork over £10 for the privalege, well worth it
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:41, Reply)
I sppose you'll be wanting the full version of the QOTW question, then
"Come on then, Ernie. I dares ya... I dares you to... err... eat a toilet cake."

"You sick, sick bastard, Scary. I'll die."

"Aaah, no you won't. One bite then, just spit it out."

"You're on. Cost ya, though."

"How much?"

"Ten. No. Twenty. Fifty."

"Deal."

The bet was set at the nose-bleedingly high price of fifty new pence. We spat, shook and it was all official. There would be no backing out now.

Several of the round bluey-white cakes were procured from the cleaners.

Our school, keen to get the menial tasks done on the cheap, and with a ready pool of Eastern European migrants still two decades away, went for that other cheap market - sixth formers. Sixth formers who got at much as ten pounds per week, and were happy to take the cash and blow it all at the village bottle shop. For an insultingly low bribe, Ernie's brother came good with the gear, and we met up, next day, behind the Music Block.

One each, except for Manky Dave, who already had two of his own - fished, half dissolved out of the urinals by the language labs.

"Three... Two... One... Go!"

Immediately followed by: "Oh Jesus! This is foul!"

And: "Fuck me - it burns! It burns!"

And: "Hardly tastes like piss at all, really."

And, predictably: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarch!"

And: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARCH!", projectile style, all over the Music Block windows where a horrified Mrs Clarke had abandoned all attempts to conduct the Fourth Year Girls' Choir to take in the terrible vision unfolding outside.

Busted.

And there's a further 12-inch remix HERE if you still can't get enough.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:28, Reply)
My mate
was dared to ask out a girl he fancied. It turned out to be the shove he needed.

That was sometime around the early 1990s. They've now been married 8 years and had their first kid this year.

So not all dares are stupid.

PS. His wife was made aware of this incident at their wedding!
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:25, Reply)
In primary school
somebody dared me to write "shit" on the blackboard. I did. I was about 7 at the time. I felt really big, until I got the smacking of my life from my parents.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:19, 1 reply)
Once
I dared my best mate to go sit on the roof of the school by climbing up the fire escapes, which he did.

They had to cordon the playground off, and try to talk him down, apparently they thought he was going to commit suicide.

That was a proper good day, we all got let home early.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:18, Reply)
Well...
One of my friends (I say friend, he was more a sub-chav neanderthal who happened to tag along with my group) was once dared to jump a pretty small ramp, at a local biking location called the sandpits...so called because it was made out of sand.

Anyway, Captain Caveman spends an age at the top of the hill 'preparing' for his spectacular feat, before gracefully beginning his descent, gliding towards the ramp and...away from it. He "wasn't ready" apparently.

So, after much taunting, back up the hill goes he, ready at the top, and down he comes...up the ramp he flies!

Except the daft bastard forgot to pull up his front wheel, which fairly rapidly descended into the dip behind the ramp, hitting the front of the landing ramp, flinging him face first along the ground for 20 feet or so. This was made even more spectacular by the fact his bike continued teetering on its front wheel, moving slowly towards him, before falling and smacking him in the head, just to rub it in.

We all start running towards him, fearing the worst, and just as we get there, about 30 seconds later, he jumped up, and with the typical bravado of his species cries "I'm alright!" and staggered around trying to retain a sense of masculinity in front of the girls of the group.

This unfortunately failed, as his next act was to collapse once again, and just to finish it all off, soil himself.

I'd have thought there would have been some brain damage, but to be honest, with this guy you couldn't tell.
(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 12:17, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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