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This is a question Stupid Dares

I once dared my mate to eat one of those blue cakes out of a urinal. He won his 50p, and got his stomach pumped into the bargain.

Stupid dares, eh?

(, Thu 1 Nov 2007, 11:22)
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This question is now closed.

Two girls one cup
I dare you...
(, Sat 3 Nov 2007, 0:37, 8 replies)
Urban Surfing - seemed like a good idea at the time..

'Twas the day after New Years, and a group of us were celebrating in Scotland, where they take the celebrating seriously.

My mate "Stretch", a none drinker, was designated driver, and after an evenings drinking, the subject of "Urban Surfing" came up. Seemed like a good idea, so I was on the roof rack 'surfing' down a country lane at midnight, whilst the guys in the van debated whether freezing me at 20mph all the way home, or terrifying me at 60 was best.

Stretch decided in his *completely* sober wisdom that a 40 to zero emergency stop would be funny.

Now I'd been expecting a bit of a swerve or some such, so I was braced for it.
Unfortunately the roof rack wasn't, and it shot over the front of the van like a Polaris missile.

As this was happening, I had a vision of landing in front of the van, and being smeared all over the road..so I managed to jump off the side towards the ditch.

Bearing in mind my state, the moving roof rack and the lack of warning, you may not be surprised to learn I failed to jump very far off the van.

For the few of you who have not removed a Ford Transit wing mirror with the crack of your bum, it stings, as did the landing.

Does this count?
(, Sat 3 Nov 2007, 0:12, 2 replies)
a while ago
i pushed a cigarette all the way up my nose
pulled it out again, lit it, smoked a bit of it, then ate it.

I was pissed, but was 'sensible' enough to go and make myself puke it up straightaway.

more recently, pissed up again, i tried the same trick, only for most of the cigarette to stay lodged inside my nose - cue panicked drunken snorting and hoicking until i got most of it out again.

I don't even smoke.

a mate at school once 'drank' a pint of worms for five pounds
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 23:01, 1 reply)
Cut the "it was a lot of money in them days" shit out
We all know if you were in the same situation now you'd likely do it for the same amount of money anyway...

Right. Dares.

My favourite story didn't involve me other than a spectator however it was definitely worth it. I must've been about 10 or 11 at the time and out playing in Sandbach park (for those who know it). There was a great set of swings there - really tall, great fun and probably completely illegal in the current nanny state. Anyhoo - mate and I spotted a guy from the year above at school swinging away on them so we wander over and shoot the shit for a bit. He gives us a bit of stick (as any older lad of this age would), we point out he's a billy no mates, he tells us to fuck off and says he's waiting to meet someone. Anyway, I forget how this escalated but it culminated in my mate saying to this guy "I bet you daren't jump off the swing as high as you can go." Well, laddo (I remember his name but it'd be unfair to tell you it was Oliver ********) says we're a pair of pussies and of course he can.

So he does.

In fairness to the guy he gave it everything. Not content with jumping at the top of the swing's travel and thus maximising height, he jumped just before this and maximised travel full stop. Think of the flash game with the polar bear batting penguins and getting the highest possible score.

Now this might've involved a sprained ankle at worse and a bit of a loss of pride. However the swings faced slightly downhill and the one Oliver was on had a medium sized prickly bastard of a tree about 6 or so yards in front of it.

Which he hit full on. I can honestly say I have never seen anyone move such a large distance and height without the aid of an engine of some description.

Oliver got up and tried to hold back the tears, as ignoring the fact he'd twatted the tree he'd done it, albeit with some subsequent pain. He was going to be telling his mates all about this and how he'd jumped higher than anyone else.

My mate, pointing and looking slightly white, started stuttering "Your arm Ollie, shit, your arm..." Ollie looked down at his left arm, now sporting a second elbow, burst out crying and started running home. Getting his timing almost perfect he ran past the lad who he was waiting to meet.

In fairness this guy went from doing something stupid that no-one would've cared about to experiencing a broken arm, getting two weeks off school and getting serious kudos as the two little bastards who'd been there were only happy to regale the story.

I think the moral is if you're going to make bets or dares, always ensure someone in the group is less intelligent/more gullible than you. There's definitely a lesson here for some of you.

Of all the things I've done over the years (which aren't going to appear here as I've a nasty feeling I know some of you) I seriously can't believe some of you have either eaten shit or got someone else to do it. I'd say I'd have paid to see it but after that 2girls1cup/cupchicks business a few weeks back I haven't got the stomach anymore...
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 22:38, Reply)
[Insert tenuous title here]
Aside from the obvious ones like snorting vodka and drinking dirty pints, I recall the time I dared a friend to pour several litres of petrol onto a bonfire, and light it. He lost his eyebrows, the daft twat. Although someone dared me to ask a girl I like on a date... and I have to say I am quite happy so far.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 22:06, Reply)
I like cig butts...

I once drank cider out of a full ashtray for a quid.

My mate drank and swallowed 3 cig butts in his pint to win his quid back.

Unhealthy, but happy days!
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 22:02, Reply)
Organised Violence
About 2 or 3 years ago when i was in my last years of school we were bored in a lesson when I jokingly told a friend I would give him £50 to eat a lump of his own shit. This turned into a discussion about how much cash it would take to get someone to eat their own shit or any other stupid things and how (in our adolescent minds) this would make a brilliant tv show. I was slightly fascinated by the idea of it and was talking to some other mates about it at break time when James (who was a bit of a nutcase) started suggesting things we could do to him for cash. Eventually, due to lack of resources he agreed to let one of the harder lads in our group punch him full in the face at lunchtime. He also came up with the idea of people paying a donation to watch it all happen.
During the next few lessons he started to spread the word and by lunchtime there was about 30-40 people in the picnic area waiting to watch, Our school was quite strict and boring and things like this were few and far between. After a few minutes the whole thing was over and everyone went off showing the "hilarious" vidoes on their phone to others and James-who had made enough cash to pay for the admission fee into The Snooker Club on Saturday and a drink or two- went off to plan something more elabourate and dangerous to make money out of for the next day.
And then the shit hit the fan.
The next day at school started with many different people being taken out of lesson and quizzed about the incident in the Heads office. At the time James wasnt getting on with his parents and was staying at a friends house, so the teachers saw it as an attempt to exploit the "Vulnerable homeless kid" even though this wasnt the case. Someone claimed that one of the teachers had been accidently sent the video via Bluetooth but we put it down to James openly inviting people to watch in the middle of his lessons. Eventually both James and the guy that punched him were suspended for a week, the people that were sending the videos round on their phone were given after school detentions and my name wasnt even mentioned once to the teachers despite the whole thing being my idea in the first place.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 20:42, Reply)
Polish cannons!
(Forgive the politically incorrect name- it was the 1970s and Polish jokes were still acceptable.)

Long before potato guns there were Polish cannons, one of the silliest and most dangerous things we could have made in retrospect. Back then tennis balls came in a big metal tube with a lid that you peeled off like a can of Pringles. To make a cannon we would get three tubes, take off both the top and bottom from two of them and duct tape them together on top of the third can which still had the bottom to form a tube about three feet long. We would then use a hammer and nail to punch a little grid of holes in the side near the bottom of the last can to act as a touch hole. To fire this thing we put about a half cup of gasoline in it, followed by the tennis ball, shook it violently for a few moments with one hand over the touch hole and the other over the muzzle, then moved our hands out of the way while someone else passed the lit match over the touch hole. It would launch the ball a good three hundred feet.

So a bunch of us were screwing around one day with this thing when I got a brilliant idea: soak the ball in gasoline first, then launch it. As I watched, Dave and Steve did so and launched it across the football field toward the empty parking lot of the school. As hoped, it trailed fire through the air. Fucking cool! Flaming comets! All agreed that this was a worthy innovation.

After a few more barrages I had another idea. Slice the ball and put some gasoline inside as well! Their beady little adolescent eyes lit up as they thought it through and one of them produced a knife.

I thought it through a little further. "Umm, guys, this might not really be a good idea-"

"What? It's gonna be cool! What the matter, chicken? Then get lost!"

Suddenly that sounded like a Very Good Idea, and I got out of there fast.

From what I heard later, their first shot hit the ground and emitted a nice gout of flame. Emboldened by this they did it a few more times until they reached the obvious conclusion I had foreseen: the dumpster in the middle of the parking lot would make an excellent target. The dumpster that all of the school's trash was in from the previous week. Most of which was paper.

I kept very quiet as my parents wondered why the fire truck was going toward the school...
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 20:32, Reply)
Kids are dumb.
Two cars full of rowdy teens en route to a friend's place for some casual afternoon boozing and gaming--recipe for disaster? Right.

One of the drivers turns to his passengers- "Hey, let's all chuck these water bottles at soandso when we drive by, should give him a fright, harhar..."

1. Always make sure you know what your friend's car looks like before attempting some practical joke on them.

2. Never drive with your windows down lest you be pelted with open (plastic) bottles of varying fullness by a car full of shrieking kids.

It was probably the worst day of that poor old man's life. Buuuut this was in one of the rich areas of the city, so I find it hard to have much sympathy for the wealthy.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 19:52, Reply)
Captain Guiness
In our local we used to run a pool team who would lose quite regularly, but was done mainly as a social thing rather than serious with us (ie it got us down the pub). One match night however there was this plumpish bloke sitting at the bar about an hour before the match was meant to take place, whom none of us recognised. I kinda guessed he was waiting for the other team to show up, so thought nothing of it.

The other team stride in and sure enough this bloke comes to join them. Ho hum. He brings over a pint of guiness, pointing out to one of the players that he's had 3 while waiting already. With that, one of the other players says "Go on, knock 'em back then :)"

Our landlord sees this, and being a 6 foot 5 roadie called "Tiny" he smiles and says "Ok, I'll pay for the pint if you can do it in under 5 seconds. "Is that all?" he says. He backs it in literally 2 seconds. So the bets keep coming, and eventually he's downed 12 of these within the space of about an hour. The landlord is tiring of giving out these free pints, so he says "Right, you're gonna need to impress me now with something different for another pint."
"Sure, no probs" he says, then runs upto a wall next to the pub fruit machine and does a handstand. They pass him another pint, and he does that upside down in literally 3 seconds too, much to the applause of the rest of the pub.

One of the other players walks upto me as we're watching this Guiness monster celebrate and says "And do you know the funny thing? He's completely diabetic too."

Dead man walking.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 19:29, Reply)
we didn't know it was that stupid until afterwards..
At the age of 6-7 years old my group of friends and I had little in the way of fundamental physics knowledge; momentum and inertia were just funny words...we did however have more than an inkling that what we were suggesting wasn't going to end too well for the girl taking up the dare.

It took a while but we persuaded her to pedal down the road on quite a steep hill as fast as she could and just before she got level with all of us to grab and hold the front brake as hard as possible.

Sniggering among ourselves as she came belting round the corner we all looked on muttering things like "naah, she's not gonna do it" "no way is anyone that stupid"

At the absolute instant she started flying through the air with the back wheel of the bike following *her* a group of small boys stopped standing slack-jawed with delight/amazement and scattered in different directions at the speed of light.

Chivalry? Fuck that, her dad was a mentalist...

Anyhoo, she was older so she should have figured out just how stupid the dare was...no plastic surgery was required so all was ok in the end. kind of.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 18:53, 2 replies)
Rugby players, eh?
"If I piss in your mouth, will you puke on my dick?"

And then they went and did it in front of everyone else who happened to be in the bar. Tends to put you off that late-night paella.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 18:21, 4 replies)
The tequila suicide story reminded me
of my mate Ben. We were on a night out with our football team doing a bit of a crawl and ended up in a pub garden.

One of us had the great idea of doing tequila suicides and, since most of us were 3 sheets by now, we didnt need much persuading. Cue a load of pissed blokes wincing in pain/chucking water in their faces/running off to throw up etc as you'd expect.

But Ben... ah now Ben. Bit of a mentalist anyway, he had an eye infection at the time and did in fairness have enough sense not to try the whole lemon squirting. At least not in the traditional manner. However, since he was feeling a bit left out he decided to improvise, did the shot, snorted the salt, dropped his keks, and squirted lemon juice straight into his japs eye, because "well they're kinda similar like".

There was a moment of stunned silence and then the entire team went down on their knees in admiration.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 18:02, 2 replies)
Pub Crawl
When I was an undergrad in Sheffield, we used to do a christmas pub crawl around the halls of residence. We used to do a practice run a few weeks beforehand, and it was all pretty standard stuff - pint and a shot in each bar, followed by either going out or a takeaway. So far, so good.

One of my friends had developed a reputation for being a bit of a pie eater, so one christmas he was dared to go on the hall crawl but not drink. Instead, he had to buy one of those KFC family buckets and eat the whole thing as we went round. Apparently, several hour old greasy chicken is not good.

The following year he was dared to repeat the performance... but with two 12 inch calzone pizzas. He threw up a lot.

You would have thought that this would put him off food dares... but no. A few months later we went to the Nursery Tavern on the Eccleshall Road, where they do something called a Mixed Grill. He was dared to eat one (as were two other guys). When it arrived, if I remember rightly, it was: 2 steaks, 2 gammon steaks, onion rings, a mound of chips, salad, bacon, sausages, black pudding plus other stuff. All in all about one and a half pounds of meat. It took them 4 hours to finish it. One guy went for a shit half way through, then came back, finished his meal, then had icecream. All of them managed to finish the dare, but had certain problems the next morning.

Personally I was dared (after several cans of Special Brew) to try the Broomhill Fryeries Battered Haggis. It was... different. Also was dared to eat a sock once. Chopped it up and put it in milk. My mistake? Not choosing a clean sock. (or possibly eatinga sock in the first place)
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 17:12, 3 replies)
Ah just remembered,
a friend of mine who is in the army as a bullet dodger told me about one of his mates. Apparently this guy will get a tattoo of anything as long as you pay for it.

Obviously pissed up army lads with too much money means this guy is covered in the things. So one day my mate is telling me about the new tattoo he's got, "Yeah he's got King Kong on his chest!" "King Kong on his chest? What like just the head or him on the tower or what?" "Erm, no, just King Kong on his chest, in big bold letters. Got it in Cancun, one of the other lads paid to get it done."
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:57, Reply)
its a bit nutty basil
A delicious anecdote that does the rounds in the area I currently live in.

A mad old drunk, really mad as in bag of tripping squirrels mad, used to regularly takes dares in order to get pints in the (now demolished) local.

The favourites were things like doing silly dances, and 100 gambols per pint. He was basically exploited. But good fun none the less.

The challenge which is regailed is this one:

Go and find a dog egg in the street bring it back here, eat it, and you shall be provided with drinks for the rest of the day. He will never do it everyone thought.

They thought wrong. they expected him to come back with a tiny delicate dried up offering. No. He came back with a 4 incher, steaming and only just solid.

It was promptly consumed, a pause, some stones and gravel was spat onto the table, (after all who could possibly eat gravel!) and the bet was won.

This is actually true. The chap is still around, and still completely hatstand.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:52, 1 reply)
I think what he did was a dare...
Where I come from (a small industrial town in the North East) one of the local teenage yobs who was well known in the area was dared to rob a school bus with his shiny new lighter shaped like a handgun. We'll call him, Fat Jabba, as that was his nickname (though not to his face) This was a lot of years ago & at the time I was in school, and it involved my school bus.

So anyway, on the way home and said school bus was rammed full of young secondry school kids, as one way of schools saving money was to put on as few school buses as possible. Bus comes to one of it stops on its route and Fat Jabba jumps on, replica gun in hand and says ever so politeley, "Ere givus all yer fucking money now dicked!". As if a secondry school bus is going to have anything more than shitloads of change.

The whole bus goes quiet, absolutley deathly quiet (none of us knew it was a replica at the time). Expecting the minimum paid bus driver to not give a flying fuck about a shitload of change and hand it all over nervously with shaking hands and sweaty palms, but he suprised us all.

"No," says he. Not a single degree of emotion on his face, just those simple two little letters said in a very monotonous fashion and a plain expression, *BAM* balls back in your court Jabba. All eyes turn to the tubby one. "Err, O-O-OK." And off the fat boy waddles at high speed and red cheeks.

The bus errupts in laughter and is the talk of the school yard the following day. Everyday-bit-of-a-wanker-bus-driver turns into classroom hero!
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:52, Reply)
I Dare you lot....
...to do some work!!

My productivity level has decreased substantially since i discovered this site and yours can't be any better!

*slaps own face*

Sorry........that was a stupid dare. Ho Hum.

*clicks refresh*
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:31, 4 replies)
Less Gross than Most
As a student I had a fondness for stealing things when I was drunk. If a dare involved stealing, then I usually did it.

Best Steals:

3 hard hats: smuggled out as big boobs and pregnancy

Darts mat: friends lifted table as I rolled it up, smuggled out as pregnancy, again!

And my personal favourite: A fosters parasol from AJ's in Liverpool.

I made a flippant comment about how I could steal anything by putting it up my jumper. My lovely friend suggested the parasol.

The dare was on.

After a sly look around, I slipped under the table, undid the screws and pushed the parasol through the hole.

Once removed, I deflated (dunno what the right word for folding up a giant cloth umbrella is) the parasol as much as I could, put it up my jumper and walked away without a care in the world.

But it didn't seem like enough, so I decided to spend the evening with the parasol, it involved going to the SU bar with it, then a cinema to see a Japanese film, then a pizza place and finally home, in a cab.

I didn't have to pay for anything all night, I can't remember if people were impressed at my steal, or just thought I was dangerously mental.

Probably both.

I'd like to end this entry for QOTW in a really witty way, but I'm tired.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:23, Reply)
Mike Flowers Pops
When was it, about 95/96ish that Mike Flowers Pops did Wonderwall? I bet the then manager of the Manby Arms in Stratford E15 (hello Paul!) that it would be Xmas #1 and I'd eat my socks if it wasn't. Curse you to hell Michael Jackson....one sock in a steak & kidney pie (chopped up fine for ease of digestion), the other in a pint of orange juice & lemonade (black sock & orange juice = green sludgy drink). Bloody ate it though, and there's a photo to prove, somewhere....never make an off the cuff bet you can't match up to.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:20, Reply)
The hardest kid in school
One day when we were in the 2nd year of junior school, probably around 1982, we decided to have a game of dares. The class bully decided that I shoud go up to the hardest kid in school who was in the 4th year and boot him as hard as I could or suffer the consequences.

I remember walking up to him whilst he was with all of his equally hard mates and without warning, toe bunged him right in the shin. He immediately grabbed hold of me and screamed in my petrified face, "What the fuck was that for you stupid dickhead?" "He made me!" I replied, pointing over at the sniggering little ginger twat who had made my life hell since we started school. "[class bully] said that if I didn't, he'd batter me!"

He shoved me to the ground and made his way over to the class bully and administered what seemed like a profound beating. He then returned to me and warned me of the consequences if I did anything like that again.

So what started out as a stupid dare left me feeling quite pleased with myself! I'd booted the hardest kid in school under threat of violence and as a result, got my persecutor twatted!

Happy days!
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:10, Reply)
In a former life, myself and 4 of my mates had the misfortune to go to Benidorm for two weeks of sitting by a pool and going bright red.
In a bar one night, Darren (for twas his name) bet everybody in our group that the holiday beast-a-thon was upon us. The winner would be the person who pulled the worst looking woman they could find. Now, none of us are good looking, so I'd say that we were really some other group's bet. Anyhoo, about 4 days later I am getting up to the strains of grunting from the living room in the villa. Cue Darren, going at it like the clappers with two women and a man. Now, I am not one to judge, but after the party had left; all of the rest of us gave Darren his winnings (around £200) and all unanimously told him he'd won - his crime???????
Girl I had pulled two nights ago. He did her mum and grandma, with another bloke.

Good work fella*shudder*
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 16:05, Reply)
Jeez-Louise, I'm so bored.
Someone dare me to do something.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 15:47, 3 replies)
We once dared one lad to chew a tampon, go naked and drink a rainbow kiss
A rainbow kiss is period blood and spunk. He did. From an evian bottle whilst walking down the street in nothing but a trench coat (open) and a sock on his cock.

He got arrested.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 15:32, 7 replies)
Many moons ago, a gang of me and my mates went shroom picking. We really only had a slight idea of what we were looking for, but after picking several thousand of these knob-head looking mushrooms and all feeling quite peculiar, we guessed that we'd found the right ones.

Anyway, later that same night, we shoved and squashed as many of these shrooms in a pot (totalling several thousand!) and added a bit of water, boiled them up and made coffee with them.

A bit later - felt like about an hour, but was probably in reality a few minutes - I exclaimed "These aren't working, these are not the *real* mushrooms"

So, my mate, being the bastard-head that he is, dared me to have another cup of the shroomjuice.

I took the dare - as did one other chap (who subsiquently went mad and locked himself in the downstairs toilet whilst on his knees facing the wrong way away from the toilet bowl, and proclaiming very loudly "less is more...less is more", but I digress.

Suddenly, I could no longer feel my legs, or hands, or pretty much anything and all I could see was shrouded in rather funny colours.

...for what felt like weeks. I even managed to convince a mate to walk to the phone box to get me 'two ambulances' - clearly one would not be enough for the state I was in.

So, never again will I take any dare (or in fact, any drugs) since then.

Somehow, I have managed to remain for the most part, sane.

It did *cure* me of my drug career though, as it scared the living-sh*t out of me and haven't done drugs since.

(hey, maybe I can sell this idea to the thought police - err... I mean government)
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 15:05, 6 replies)
ahh magaluf
I was trashed one night on a stag doo in Magaluf this summer, we ended up in this empty'ish bar on BCM square with some quite good tunes playing. With the promise of some free drinks we hung around hoping the place would fill up. It didn’t. So we made the entertainment whilst the free drinks were distributed. Dancing away on the dance floor I decided to get my camera out to video the lads anyway I got chatting to a mate mid film when all of a sudden a girl on stage right next to me slammed my face with her hand... she was bitchy little 17 yr old with her pals celebrating their GCSE's and believing the world owed them.

I was angry and demanded an explanation for her punch, BANG!! she hit me again.... now I’m not the angry type, and in my usual stupid ideas thought if I could talk to this girl I could pull her.... BANG!! Another slap/punch. I was getting angry... I couldn’t hit her, so I turned to my mates...who in turn swiveled me round and said 'dance off'...... now I’m an ok dancer, but the fact I had drunk enough, that 10 minutes earlier I was pissing all over my leg proves that I couldn’t attempt to 'dance off' with anyone. There was a push from behind me followed by chanting of Dance off from my 'mates'. It then became apparent that she was in no better shape than me as she stumbled off the stage to my left and stood in front of me. I could win this I thought.... but no, she stepped back and let her friend take charge of the dancing... if anyone is familiar with the term 'bodyguard' you will be able to picture her standing before me...bigger than me.

At this point the crowd had doubled... from the lads I was with (10 or so) and her mates ( about another 10) there were even more people flooding in to the venue... all chanting dance off... word spread fats across BCM square as more people flooded in to see what the commotion was …..with a scratch of the record player a brief silence hit the bar, all of a sudden the unmistakable beats of 'its like that' by the Run DMC came on... we were indeed in an impromptu dance off situation, with the whole bar fixated on me and the body guard. I started limbering up like a boxer before the bell, rotating my shoulders and rocking my head from side to side giving the illusion I had done this at least once before... i hadn’t.

The crowd was now at 70 or more, with the circle at least 6 people deep and 30 wide around the dance floor.

She starts... 10 seconds of easy dancing followed, which I dually equaled and exceeded. We were winning. My mates were egging me on to go a step further than her….She then upped the tempo with some unusual moves, i followed just equalling them...then, to my dismay she pulled off the caterpillar... something I cannot do...how can i better that?

I looked around for inspiration, I found none.... I looked at my mates for advice, 'take your kecks off... she doesn’t have a cock....

It was like hypnotism... I immediately did what I as told... off went the kecks ..and the underpants.....

Thenthere was chanting … it was a like a bad dream…

“ what the fucking... what the fucking... what the fucking hell is that ....”

I was having a 'small' day. it was damp and shriveled due to my piss soaked pants... I have never been so embarrassed. I had lost...

When I got home I realized the girl hit me was because I was unknowingly filming her crotch from approx 3 inches away from it. Something I was totally unaware of at the time as I was looking the other way...bitch

Length?… its usually about 3-4 inches when asleep… he had shrunk to about 2 inches… a little alf’s nose.... the dance off lasted about 4 mintues
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 14:58, 1 reply)
I dare anyone
To work in Peterborough for 6 months and not suffer from depression.

I started here in March this year, bright and full of the joys of spring, and will leave the week after next, most likely sectioned under the 1984 mental health act.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 14:44, 20 replies)
I had almost forgotten about this one...
No one dared me, but it was rather daring nonetheless.

I was working in an aging factory that produced polymer- specifically nylon and polyester- and was on the second floor of one building, and often had to go find my boss on the second floor of the next building. The plant was built in the 1940s or so and had been modified in odd ways- and in this case, the buildings were connected by a walkway with a door at either end.

At my end of the walkway was the lab I worked in, which had to be kept at a precise 72 F and 50% humidity at all times (Standard Temperature and Humidity as defined by ASTM and ISO). As the offices were not regulated like that and neither was the hallway, they kept the lab at a positive pressure- that is, they pumped in air so it pushed out the outside air. The result was that there was always a breeze along that corridor if you had the doors open.

One day something happened to one of the door closers- that thing up at the top that gently pulls the door closed and keeps it from slamming- so that now it had no resistance at all, so the door could slam.

And it did. Very loudly. Especially as it was in a hallway, so it sounded like a fucking cannon. And as the offices were mostly full of administration types who were typically female, it caused a fair amount of upset when it happened.

It had been like this for a few days, and we had generally gotten used to it and were careful about closing it ourselves to prevent the slam. But I was in a hurry and was moving quickly and pulled the door open against the pressure and ducked through.


Ever just get one of those insane urges?...

"I AM THOR!" I boomed in my most stentorian bellow. "BRING ME YOUR WOMEN TO QUENCH MY LOINS!"

There was a stairwell at the end of the hall. I made very good use of it.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 14:37, 2 replies)
Tequila slammers are for pussies
A few years ago me & some mates used to regularly dare each other to do tequila suicides - down the tequila, snort the salt and squeeze the lemon in your eye. Guaranteed 100% hilarious.

On one particularly hammered occasion though a few of them (but not me) went that little bit further and developed the "hardcore tequila suicide". It involved snorting the tequila through a straw (one guy tried eyeballing it), cutting the back of your arm, squeezing the lemon juice into the cut and then rubbing in the salt afterwards.

I was forced to admit to being less hardcore like that. Largely because I tried snorting vodka once and it just made me chuck instantly.
(, Fri 2 Nov 2007, 14:05, 5 replies)

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