Peeing.
Okay, I'm still not entirely sure as to whether or not this is true or not, but subsequent internet research (limited mind you, given the subject matter) and numerous (and for some reason rather heated) debates on the issue with alcohol fuelled friends has had me looking quite the ass on more than one occasion.

Right. Well. A friend of the family (in some capacity, can't say I've ever met the bugger) had the misfortune of having his entire "man-bits" lopped off. So I asked "how does he pee?" and was told that he merely sweated it out. "All of it?" I asked. "Yes." replied Grandad who was head of surgery at hospital "X".

For some reason this comes up at the pub (as these things have a manner of doing down the local SU) and I was promptly laughed at and made to buy a round for being an utter arse. *sigh*.

I'm still not sure I was right or not but I was an arse for buying them all a round.
(spiderslut, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 3:47, 6 replies)

If there was any truth to it at all
he'd be permanently joined to a dialysis machine.

And even then I really don't think it'd be possible. I suspect your Grandad was pulling your leg ;)
(xanthine, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 4:16, closed)

Haha, no sweat,
is what I want to say. But I'm not too sure exactly what it would mean.

I think it's a pretty safe bet that your granddad was telling you a porky, though. Could have been to protect the dignity of your family friend.

Your friend of the family: what are his kidneys doing? If they're not doing anything, then he'd need dialysis. (Hint: people with kidney failure don't just "sweat it out" instead.) If they're working, they're producing urine, which is still going to be sent down into the bladder. It can't just be "sweated out" from there (how would that work?). It must be peed out.

Obviously, it's a bit difficult to pee it out without the necessary outlet in place. So, instead, the urethra, which conveniently passes through the prostate gland just in front of the rectum, is connected to the rectum. This means he pees straight into his own arse, internally. It then just comes out of his arse as he sits, lady style, on the toilet.

It's not hard to imagine that this undesirable necessity is just inviting insult to be added to injury. (What man wants people to know he has to pee out of his arse?) Rather than subject him to full humiliation, it's perhaps kinder to hide the gory details behind a little white lie: he "sweats it out" instead (which sounds kind of manly, in a way).
(Honourable Member is upstanding, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 4:32, closed)

Wouldn't a urethra connected to a rectum be in constant danger of serious infection though?
And surely his anal sphincter wouldn't contain liquid without seepage. It's designed to hold in solids.

The real explanation is most likely a permanent catheter connected to a 'collecting bag' attached to his leg.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 13:19, closed)

I was making it up
in an effort to confuse spiderslut.
(Honourable Member is upstanding, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 20:46, closed)

Wait...
If he's lost all his external genitalia, surely a good portion of the urethra is still in place? All they need to do is make an 'exit hole' where it meets the skin, don't they?

I suppose it all depends on where the equipment to control urination lives (i.e. you wouldn't want to be dribbling everywhere all the time)
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 14:52, closed)

this is why god invented catheters.
(becks3uk, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 12:55, closed)