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This is a question Stupid Tourists

What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard a tourist say? Ever heard an American talking about visiting "Scotchland, England", or (and this one is actually real) a Japanese couple talking about the correct way to say Clapham is actually Clatham, as "ph" sounds are pronounced "th". Which has a certain logic really. UPDATE: Please, no more Loogabarooga stories. It's getting like, "and I opened my eyes and my mum had left me a cup of tea!"

(, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 16:31)
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Cunnilingua
My friend often works late in his city job with one of the bigger banks.

One night he was coming back by tube - the only one in the carriage - when a large group of giggling Italian girls got on. They sat down and, with a few sideways glances, assumed it was a fair bet that this suited Englishman wouldn't speak their language.

Wrong. He's fluent, the talented git.

They then proceeded to have an increasingly graphic conversation about how their respective boyfriends were not satisfying them sufficiently in the bedroom department. My mate kept an admirably straight face as they bemoaned hygiene problems, shortness of length, lack of cunnilingus etc.

As the tube approached his stop, he stood up and cleared his throat. Just before he got off he said in mellifluous Italian tones,

"Ladies. I'm sorry to hear of your sexual dissatisfactions. Can I suggest a good heart to heart with your boyfriends or perhaps obtaining more talented partners?"

Apparently the look on their faces as the carriage pulled away was priceless.
(, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 12:25, closed)

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