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This is a question Surprise!

Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver asks: Ever given granny a heart attack on her 90th birthday or knocked down the wall between the living room and kitchen by mistake before the wife gets home? Tell us tales of surprises and their fluffy and/or messy endings.

(, Thu 4 Apr 2013, 12:10)
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Surprisingly good effort on their part
It's been years since I worked in a supermarket but this still stands out. I hated working on checkouts but even a decade on it still gives me good QOTW answers. case in point...

Being the only supermarket in a five mile radius that didn't use electronic tagging of any kind, meant that the local lumpen-proletariat were drawn to us like the forces of darkness are drawn to Mordor. Barely a shift went by without some gimlet eyed scrote fleeing the premises with an armful of loot.

This didn't surprise me as we had what I assumed was the most ineffectual security team in the world. Two security guards who I'll name as Skinny Lazy guy and Fat Lazy guy. FLG spent most of his shift drooling over the customers cake laden shopping. what marked him out as the most dedicated of salad dodgers, aside from his girth, was his refusal to walk. Preferring to do his rounds ( a 50m round trip) in one of the electric shopmobility carts we provided for the infirm. SLG, despite weighing 9st wringing wet didn't move at all, preferring to remain motionless behind the lottery kiosk.

So it came as quite a shock when a young hoodie came running towards the main exit clutching an illicit bottle of vodka that SLG sprang into action. Having never seen SLG move more than his eyebrows before we soon found out that that he had a swift turn of pace. Cutting off the shoplifter, and running rings around him forcing him away from the entrance and down past the tills. SLG stops chasing at this point and just watches as this guy runs towards the other exit, thinking he is home free. only he has to get past FLG first. FLG looked like he wasn't even aware of what was happening, just sitting on his little cart and watching the jaffa cakes go by. Shoplifter is barrelling towards the doors, prize in hands when,


in the blink of an eye FLG is not only out of his cart but sitting on top of the young miscreant. 50lbs of hired muscle, and I assume an additional 200lbs of hired flab is now sitting crossleged like an Indian chief on the shoplifter. The legs jutting out from the great buttocks of justice begin to kick and scream but he shall not pass. The kicks turn to twitches then stillness, the screams turn to pleas then silence, and so they remained locked in place until the police arrived.

two PCs show up after around 15mins, and FLG gets back on his cart. The coppers don't even needs handcuffs as the shoplifter goes quietly complete with 1000 yard stare.
(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:48, 6 replies)
I like this and have duly clicked.

(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 15:11, closed)
Thank you kind sir

(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 15:14, closed)

Good one!
(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 15:17, closed)
Heh Heh
(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 15:48, closed)
I liked this

(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 16:40, closed)
Have yourself a click
for 'great buttocks of justice', ace!
(, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 19:22, closed)

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