Quite a few people have mentioned C.V.s
So I thought I'd post mine. It details all my many talents and achievements. It is long (*inserts joke*) so I'll post it in the replies.
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:05, 5 replies)

As promised...
Richard “why else would anyone call me Dick” Small

No. 18 81st Street 1-800-ho-ho-ha-ha
Planet: Rocky With Some Water

Profile:
Honey-glazed idealist, motivated by pomp, bombast, and most of all, cold, hard cash.

Key Skills:
Operating Systems: Nintendo (Wii, Game Cube, S-NES, NES), Sony (Playstation, Playstation 2, Playstation 3), Sega (Dreamcast, Megadrive), Microsoft (X-Box, X-Box 360).
Software: Halo 3, GTA 4, GT 5, Need For Speed: Shift, Wii Sports, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Modern Warfare 2, Black Ops, Fallout, Crazy Taxi, Soul Caliber, Goldeneye.

Semi-organized and occasionally able to manage time (when it suits me), prioritise (generally with overwhelming preconceived preference for me). Not well motivated to work under pressure. Excellent over-exertion avoidance skills, and few mathematical and logical abilities.

Education:
Preliminary Business Waffle.
The Man and his Hat Institute, New York, NY, USA. 2007
Long holiday in New York City, sunbathing, all-night partying, shopping. School in same building as public house – result! Spent an estimated 80% of time-not-sleeping in enjoyable circumstances.

Batchelor of Arts, Arty-Farty Waffle.
The University, wouldn't you like to know, UK. 2003 – 2006
Perfected absenteeism regarding academic obligations, smoking in the sitting room, bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, further educational imbibing, taking advantage of long holidays, adapting to student life of promiscuity and debauchery.

A2/AS Level. 2002
School Sixth Form College, London, UK.
Missing academic obligations, smoking in the communal gardens, drinking in the local public house, staying out at all-night raves, playing amateur pool.

AS/GCSE Level. 1997 – 2001
Slough Grammher, UK.
Climbing trees, missing academic, religious and sporting obligations, smoking in the bushes, illicit pub visits, furthered sexual education.

Work Experience:

Operations Intern.
D*Grade Financial Corporation, Jersey City, USA. 2007
Commuted the wrong way between NY and NJ.
Practised reading the newspapers, surfing the internet, and twiddling thumbs.
Introduced to slacking, skiving and shit-talking in several different departments.
Helped manage the decisions of colleagues regarding the never-ending question of: breakfast tea, afternoon tea, mint tea, herbal tea, expresso, decaffeinated expresso, latte, mocha, mocha latte, vanilla mocha latte, or water.
Occasionally missed work due to excessive drinking the night before.

Sales and Marketing Assistant.
Inner Space Management, London, UK. 2006
Strengthened stomach to allow drinking at lunchtime.
Practised reading the newspapers, surfing the internet, and twiddling thumbs.
Learnt the meaning of the words hyper-typed and mega-filed.
Had the use of, and thus made use of, a telephone.
Enjoyed punching holes in paper, laminating paper, and binding paper.

Production Assistant. 2006
Olive Farm, Tuscany, Italy.
Drank a vast quantity of free red wine.
Climbed trees and occasionally fell from them.
The sun shone, but you would never guess how cold it is in Tuscany in winter.

Intern Introduction.
Ill-set Sextet Management, London, UK. 2005
Taken out to lunch by co-workers.
Given a desk and a computer and told to make oneself at home.
Practised reading the newspapers, surfing the internet, and twiddling thumbs.

Office Assistant. 2002
Cold Call Constabulary, London, UK.
Postal work for local Council gives me new insight into the phrase “going postal”.
Licked stamps.
Stuck stamps on envelopes.
Put envelopes in post box.
Repeat ad infinitum.

Office Assistant.
Not the I-Tunes Music Store, London, UK. 2002
Listened to lots of dance music.
Chatted to colleagues about state of raves in the greater London area.
Car got clamped.

Awards/Achievments:
Did some stuff I'll no doubt regret in later life.
Spearheaded a tertiary gap-year movement in the local area.
Dislocated wrist during extreme masturbation.
Harpooned whales and clubbed baby seals in day-dream a few weeks ago.
Vanquished evil spirits from a small patch of now-consecrated ground.
Impregnated... well perhaps that isn't strictly relevant.
Narrowly averted Armageddon after the afore mentioned irrelevant incident.
Embezzled more than Jerome Kerviel in printer paper, biro pens and the occasional pot of tipex.
Fagotted up CV due to dwindling motivation.
Larry Kinged something, somehow, somewhere, honest...

Activities:
Involved in a continuing movement set upon subverting conventional constructs of adulthood which equate such concepts as work, with other concepts like fun.

References are available on request, although come to think of it, I might just make them up instead. After all, I do need a job...
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:07, closed)

you really are an insufferable prick.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:00, closed)

Why
thank you, Janet!
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:08, closed)

Nothing wrong with that!
Mildly amusing.
(Suck it and Sea, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 12:45, closed)

Coffee
It's espresso, not 'expresso'
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:49, closed)