magic plank
Ever get the feeling there's witchcraft at work? I'm 6' tall and 13 stone, fairly fit from an early career in moving cast steel brackets around a CNC machinery jig (between my Maplin and Flambards career posts) and even so, a 2-year old who doesn't want to get back into a pushchair when asked can be quite a physical challenge. They seem to be able to magically make themselves go as rigid as a plank and so cannot be manoeuvred through the straps to get them buckled in. Damned if there's anything you can do about it other than wait for them to pass out from holding their breath.

The only relief is that holding breath means a temporary cessation of the screeching fit drawing looks from all in a 200 foot radius who assume the child is being murdered.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 15:30, 16 replies)

I find a gentle prod in the guts with the index finger
generally deflates them long enough to get the straps on, then if they "plank" again, vigorously tip the pram backwards so they grip the sides with fear.

Soon learns 'em.
( Ken Oath, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 15:45, closed)

My son was fond of putting his arms straight up and going limp, in order to slip out of my grip.
A common technique, I believe, that went somewhat awry when I was only holding onto him via his backpack, meaning that he fell, face first, onto the gravel, breaking his front teeth
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 16:20, closed)

We used to call that "going doggo", when they went all limp.
Trying to pick up a doggo child is like trying to lift a sack of jelly. Ok in principle, impossible in practice.
( Ken Oath, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 16:24, closed)

Dragging them along by one foot
usually changes their mind. Or dislocates an ankle.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 16:33, closed)

Hook them with a finger in each gill like a fish.

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 19:35, closed)

I have more than one memory
of making a frantic grab and having them dangle by one leg from my outstretched arm. Chuckle chuckle, silly daddy, yes, wasn't that fun, DON'T DO IT AGAIN, ha ha, silly daddy.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 19:23, closed)

Dungarees are useful to counteract this
On occasions I carried my toddlers around like small angry handbags.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 22:23, closed)

:-)
haha!
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 20 Jul 2012, 0:43, closed)

Me too!
:-)
( Purple Martin is board sigless, Fri 20 Jul 2012, 6:32, closed)

I found the harness and reins sold in mothercare shops to be sufficiently strong to use as a lifting sling, it was really funny watching my little lad trying to run whilst hoisted up 2 foot off the ground.
(Finster Ate a cat biscuit for a bet, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 21:21, closed)

Ah, the old "Arms up and go limp" trick.
They seem to also magically dislocate their shoulders at the same time so they slip right through your hands.
( Purple Martin is board sigless, Fri 20 Jul 2012, 6:32, closed)

I sympathise.
When my daughter does this, I always feel like a ’70s orderly holding down a patient for electro-shock therapy.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 16:37, closed)

CNC
You worked in a music factory?
(Cotsan, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 18:10, closed)

not quite, although I did work in a mixing desk factory :-)
metalworkingtool.net/2011/03/18/cnc-milling-machine/
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 18:34, closed)

My four year old
Made enough screaming noises to warrant a police and social services visit if anyone had been mindful to call them. It took my ex wife and myself to hold him down. Why? He was having his nails cut.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 20 Jul 2012, 12:01, closed)

tickle their sides
they'll soon unplank and, if they're really ticklish, they may well stop screaming and start laughing.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 22 Jul 2012, 17:04, closed)