Laundrette / Laundromat Hack (for you Shermans).
For anyone lucky/poor enough to have suffered the indignity of using a laundrette to launder their clothing you will be aware of the long hours of waiting around for the machines to finish…

I went to boarding school between the ages of 11 and 16 (thanks mum) and we had to do our own laundry, as you would expect.

They had the same (big-fuck-off) washing machines that you get in laundrettes up and down the country (except you didn’t have to pay). The only problem was that there were about 200 kids in our house and only two (big-fuck-off) washing machines so envariably on Saturdays and Sundays the whole school was intending to wash the cum and shit stains out of their name-tag-adhorned Y-fronts so most people either ended up:

Wearing skanky clothes for weeks on end
Washing their clothes in the bath
Wearing wet clothes to school on Monday

For some reason, at age 11 the thought of (eurgh) sharing a washing machine with mates was unthinkable let alone touching their dirty (or clean for that matter) grundies. This was obviously out of the question.

So, one Monday morning I am late for school, I have no clean clothes and Im fucked if Im borrowing anyone elses (eurgh!) so I decide to skive the morning off and hide in the laundry while my school clothes are washing and drying. When I get there one of the machines is out of service with a chap fixing it and the other is in use. I get chatting to the repair man and as is the want of small children everywhere I watched as he fusses over the big cogs and pipes and eventually fixes the broken machine.

His last task is to set the machine running to make sure it works. Satisfied with a job well done he sets off to leave…

Me: Oh, do you have to leave it running? I need to wash my school shirts and Im already late…
Repairman: Your not supposed to stop it mid run but… Watch this:

And he proceeds to reach round the back of the washer and presses a big orange button which fast-forwards the cycle (!).

Repairman: Now I have to get off but if you hold that button down until the cycle ends you only need to wait a minute for the door to unlock and you can use it… Oh, and don’t tell anyone mind or I’ll be in trouble.

Me: Don’t worry, I won't.

And I didn’t – I never told a soul.

I was also never short of clean dry clothes again either.

I would sometimes feel guilty for jumping the queue but generally felt quite smart. Particularly when my bully (Hello Jon! Your brother told me he caught you wanking off your dog you sick fuck) came to collect his washing to find it still dirty, wet and soapy on the floor by the washing machine.

“Mnnnnnuuuur, how did that happen?”

Ho hum.
(aroe_m0rre, Wed 26 Aug 2009, 17:17, 2 replies)

You had to do your own laundry?
No, I didn't expect that at all, and I was at boarding school from 9 to 18. You don't mean borstal, by any chance?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 9:12, closed)

 
9-18 - Crikey!

There was a matron in the 1st year who washed our skuds for us but once you were in the 2nd year you were on your own. Their were girls at my school though so there was motivation to look respectable!
(aroe_m0rre, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 12:23, closed)