Haiku Rant.
What the FUCK is Haiku?? Yeah yeah yeah, it's a set of words with a set amount of syllabols, and 3 lines. Whooopdy-fucking-Do!

I rekon it was made up by an anally retentive arse-wipe who was too damned egocentric to admit that he couldn't rhyme to save his life.

"Charles Ponsonby-Smythe?, Your poetry is Shit: it doesn't even fucking WHYME you twunting 'tard".
"Erm, no actually, it's "Haiku", a very advanced poetry style used by intellects and poets for centuries before poetry was debased and bastardised into the lower form of rhyming that we know today *snort*".
"but Charles, It doesn't rhyme, much less actually make sense"
"Georgie; you're nothing but a common fool, and faaar too stupid to understand this complex form of art, now go and get me another muffin"

It's pretty much the same shit as "Contemporary music". Contemporary meaning "with the times" .. so.. that would be modern popular music then?? NO. Contemporary music generally requires special festivals with discount student tickets to MAKE people listen to it. Why?? becuae it doesn't actually fit the dictionary definition of "music", and it sure as hell isn't Contemporary... more like "Contemptable". If you want to see the result of a tone-deaf psychotic self-obsessed extrovert, warbling in dis-chordant tones and prancing all over a stage, got to a contemporary music festival. Similarly, if listening to a bunch of 60's throw-backs "breathing in time" tickles your fancy and in your eyes, is the hot shit of the music world... don't delay.

If you want Haiku, Go to your nearest "cool" coffee bar where some diss-affected, xenophobic, "my parents don't appreciate me" haiku-writing motherfucker is pouring out distended non-rhyming scentences. The audience will be appluading while trying to work out what the hell it was he was whittering about, and lamenting the fact that, quite simply, 3 lines of shite is never enough to get the gist of what the crap it was about.

They applaud, wanting so very much to appear intellectual adn fit in. It was most likely the same bunch of tossers who watched "The Blair Witch Project" and declared it an astounding masterpiece. It was also them who looked at the mad paint-splatterings of a juvenile elephant, and declared the animal to be an artistic genious. Claude Monet? Van Gogh?, you suck... this Elephant is WAY better than you ever were.

It's just bollocks.
and you bloody well KNOW I'm right.

...and to prove my point...

Its simply bollocks
Un-rhyming meaningless shite
is this a poem?

you see? Haiku is Crap.

Mary had a F*cking Lamb
It was a F*cking Filthy one Too.
Together they indulged in watersports,
And made videos in the Loo.

You SEE???? now THAT's not even technically a poem... and it's a million fucking times more entertaining, and I didn't even need a bastard calculator to do it either!!
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Sat 13 Aug 2005, 11:47, Reply)