How not to get laid
There was this girl I took a shine to at Uni. Being a shy fella I took it slow, friends first and all that crap. Spent ages listening to her pour out her heart, tell me all about her family trouble, how her epilepsy had ruined her life, men treated her badly etc.

Anyway eventually, after several months of this, things seemed to be going well: she'd even shown unmistakeable signs of more than platonic interest. So finally I got up the courage to ask her if she'd like to go to an upcoming ball with me. She gave me a funny look and made it clear that this wouldn't be a 'date', well I was a bit downhearted but said fine.

Anyway come the night I got myself togged up, she looked mighty fine, off we went. I paid for everything, tickets, food, drink and all the various fees on the night (no small matter given my parlous financial state), made sure she got to do all the things she wanted to and so on. But from the moment she arrived she did nothing but moan -- this was boring, that was stupid, her friends were having more fun and on and on. After a couple of hours of this in my ear I just turned to her and told her that she'd obviously have a better time without me, walked off and got drunk with my mates.

Ungrateful bitch. We never spoke again.

Anyway I found out soon after that she was a grade-A bunny-boiler: my friends hadn't wanted to upset me, but as soon as I told them that we were no longer involved it all came out. So I was well shot of her.

Didn't stop me being miffed that after all that I didn't even get a sniff of a shag, or even a drunken snog/grope. Bollocks.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 24 May 2007, 13:34, Reply)