How to get transferred in one easy lesson
"Is that a newspaper you're reading?"

I looked up from my copy of the Daily Telegraph to see the red face of the boss staring down at me.

"Yes. Yes it is," I replied, deciding it would not be wise to play silly buggers with a senior manager, especially a known spittle-flecked bully whose civil service career had stalled at the Ministry of Cows.

"You KNOW how I feel about people reading newspapers on company time," he said, in a voice that could be heard all the way down in accounts, "I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's stealing from the company. It's a disciplinary offence."

I turned the page and frowned at the unfunny cartoon, half amused at his description of an office full of civil service layabouts as "the company".

"Well? What have you got to say for yourself?" he boomed, fists clenching and unclenching with anger.

I folded the paper and filed it in the bin. Then, taking a glimpse at my watch, rose from my desk, walked the five yards to the keying-in machine and pushed my yellow plastic key home with a loud "Peep!"

I looked at the boss as if it was the first time I'd seen him.

"Back from lunch. Work to do."

He stormed away, barely able to contain his outrage: "Well... well... Don't do it in work hours. Y'hear?"

Within a week, I was out of his department. Minor WIN.

...And working in the black hole of Accounts with all the other unemployable misfits. FAIL.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 14:12, 5 replies)

You should have poked that yellow key...
in to his eye and shouted 'PEEP'. You would have been out of his department, but also ultimately out of a job I suspect.

Would've been funny though...
(berk, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 15:44, closed)

I was playing with fire...
...I was only on a temporary contract at the time and waitng to join the armed forces. He could have severely fucked up my entire career (had I not fucked it up myself through overuse of beer and cake)
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 16:17, closed)

@work rofl
At "Beer and cake".

Then I realised you meant other types of cake.

I had a very odd vision of someone drinking themselves silly and stuffing themselves full of dozens of cakes.
(Scritty Bakerman., Sun 21 Jun 2009, 6:45, closed)

'other types of cake'?
What, like fruit as opposed to sponge or chocolate?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 13:38, closed)

sounds like the sort of shit we put up with
There was a guy who used to take a book out when he went for a fag.
He was politely but firmly told not to do it, because it 'gave the wrong impression of the company'. Not quite sure how...

We're told we can only go on the net for personal use at lunchtime. One day I was doing a photoshop for B3ta and was told it wasn't an appropriate use of work resources... as if Photoshop would wear out if I used it for personal stuff!
I got my own back by saying I was using a tutorial so technically I it was a 'learning and development' activity I was undertaking on my own time.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 14:52, closed)