One more then I'm reaching for the mind bleach...

I don’t do reposts (yet) but this comes a close second I spose…

I’ve spent a while this week banging on about a certain car parts warehouse, and in particular a putrid, smear-test-scraping of a man known as ‘Gaylett’. A trilogy of his exploits can be seen here:

The Nobfather: Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

But I’m not the only one who had to suffer the fate and fuckwits from that festering vestibule of the damned.

I would also like to bring to your attention Mudbutton’s post about a a crooked, bullying boss here which incidentally also mentions the same story I had posted about here on the ‘I Witnessed A Crime' QotW in Feb 2008…

On the subject of crooked, bullying bosses, does anybody remember the post on a certain ‘Head of Operations’ who, whilst rat-arsed, publicly stuck his thumb up the arse (amongst other things) of an employee at the Xmas do? It’s here if you’re interested. Mudbutton’s post also touches on the criminal behaviour of that man. Oh yes, it’s the same man.

For those with a better memory than I, there’s also the post I did about a year and a half ago about the ‘infamous’ ‘Burnsy’ - The clown prince purveyor of bullshittery and corporate megawank. If you’re still awake, you can read it here. It was part of the ‘Bastard Colleagues’ QotW. Apt.

Then there’s the offices…where GoodLord worked (me too, albeit briefly). He posts about his boss here.

These links are to name but a few….There’s also:

The fetishist who used to commit acts of self harm, and regularly described to anyone who’d listen about his cravings for his ‘ultimate fantasy’ – which was ‘laying naked underneath a glass table and feverishly chucking himself off while a woman squats down on top of the table and curls out a ‘butt cutlet’ of biblical proportions over his gaping mouth underneath. He also used to tell us all about his ‘sex dice’...where each number corresponded to a particularly depraved act that he was to do to his timid, suffering wife each night. He chuckled as he told us that he would specially ‘weight’ the dice every time beforehand so that when she rolled it, it would fall on whatever he wanted to do. Despite this *ahem* ‘eccentricity’ he was actually an alright bloke.

The young man who, despite an obvious amount of savvy, realised that hard work and getting noticed wasn’t getting him anywhere. So he abandoned his principles and pretended to take up golf and poker etc to ‘get him in’ with the big management nobs…After years of sucking up he finally scored a secondment position, which he mistakenly took as a guarantee of promotion, forgetting that there are no guarantees in hell. He then worked his arse off for months, promptly proposed to his long-patient girlfriend, and got her up the duff because he thought he would be more financially secure. .Then the recession hit, and he was bumped back down to ‘nowheresville’ due to ‘corporate cutbacks’. (I think he’s finally got the promotion now – good luck to him…he’s gonna need it).

There was also the mindnumbingly incompetent cretin who blagged his way into the job (and the aforementioned ‘flagship team’) from a false recommendation ‘on the outside’. With a bright red nose that an alcoholic Rudolph would be proud of, and permanently in a state of severe inebriation, he was totally oblivious to the goings on within the place, yet he would amble around amiably, spinning yarns and anecdotes about his old Rugby club drinking buddies, whilst the place fell apart around him. He mastered the art of ‘fucking off when the shit hit the fan’ and it got to the stage where he would carry a phone (that didn’t work) around with him. As soon as anybody asked him a question he would say ‘ sorry I’ve got to take this’ then hold the phone to his ear and walk off talking gibberish. I’m not proud of it but I was instrumental in getting this bloke fired…I have my reasons.

Not forgetting the Team Leader known as ‘Hopper’, who ruled like a cross between a mafia hitman and General Patten. He would walk round silently with a notebook, not saying a word…just scribbling. Turns out he was making a note of everything he saw…like people walking past litter and not picking it up etc. He would never mention it at the time, but waited…waited…until everybody’s end of year appraisal where he would dump the whole lot over them in one go.

“Why were you 5 minutes late returning from break on February 12th? ANSWER ME!”

The place was constantly rife with rumours of his return like some sort of antichrist. He never did – It seems even the Antichrist can suss out when he’s well shot of somewhere.

Then there was Mr ‘Gordon’ Bennet, who only occasionally broke his lifelong attempt to beat the world bone idle record by nipping into the valuables container stealing all the car stereos, and selling them independently to the dealers.

When it comes 'Braveheart' Bruce, and the man known as 'Flinty', I'm afraid it's there that I become lost for words.

What I’m trying to say here sweet B3tards is ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WORK AT THIS ONE PLACE... It’s no fucking wonder we’ve gone batshit mental. Please excuse my ex-colleagues and I for venting out over these illustrious pages.

I used to joke about ‘leaving my dignity at the turnstile’ every day that I worked there, but I still feel that not only myself, but Mudbutton and GoodLord too, were the lucky ones…Because we escaped.

We may have lost a bit of dignity along the way – but we didn’t sell our souls or lose our minds (completely) …and we’ve since managed to get some dignity back.

I have given a name to my pain…and it is Nissan Motor Parts Centre, Magna Park, Lutterworth.

Abandon hope all ye who enter here.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:19, 10 replies)

<cough> You missed one</cough>
www.b3ta.com/questions/theboss/post458491
(GoodLord doesn't have time for sigs., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:27, closed)

Ah, but...

LB was one of the good ones. I was only gonna mention the bad points.

That's why I left out that Mudbutton's post mentions a boss who was a good bloke.

His name was Maxi. If you run the name into the search feature on B3ta, then you'll find two posts that I have previously mentioned him in.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:30, closed)

And Breathe out....
Do you feel better now?

again top work.

As for Flinty, I can proudly say i witnessed a man falling face first into his front door absolutely poodled out of his head trying desperately to play 'knock door run' at stupid o'clock in the morning. The poor man nearly lost a tooth! however he did get a doorbell and the outside of a letterbox!

I on the other hand would not resort to such childish pranks, i had responsibilities!

........i was just the getaway driver......
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:30, closed)

This place...
wasn't near Walsgrave Hospital by any chance???

Sounds like an absolute fucking period-tit-lip of a nightmare place to work...
( SpankyHanky, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:34, closed)

Thats the garage,
I think,or at least one of the garages.

This is the parts warehouse, big old place, they share it with Renault
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:37, closed)

Think I know the place...
The next time I'm in the mighty Cov I may go and seek this bloke out just so I can call him a cunt to his face... the cunt...
( SpankyHanky, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:40, closed)

Which cunt?...

Sorry mate, with that place you're going to have to narrow it down ;)

BTW - I live very close to Walsgrave Hospital...If you're ever near, then we shall meet and booze until our names change to 'Oliver Reid'.

The hospital is convenient for the inevitable stomach pump that we would require :)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:51, closed)

That's where I was born
Apparently my mum was in the bed just next to Cilla Black, who had her sprog there. My mum was eagerly chatting away to Cilla while she was having her baby-ravaged gash sewn up after giving birth. My mum always tells people there could've been a mix up in the hospital and I could actually be Cilla's child... Now that, my friend, is a fucking odd thing for your new girlfriend to hear when she goes round to your parents house for the first time.

As for going out and partying like its nineteen-ninety-nine, I'd be well up for that. (Just as long as you promise not to man rape me in the bogs)...

And the next time your down in Landan I'll drop whatever I'm doing (unless its the girlfriend, in which case I'll finish giving her thirty seconds of intense pleasure first before lovingly putting my cloths on and fucking off out the door), and meet up for some of the fizzy falling down water...

Cheers oh, and x x x x x x
( SpankyHanky, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 17:09, closed)

Small world,
Spanky you will be delighted to know that the Nobfather also resides in the mighty Cov...although i dont think he was born there, certainly not in a bed near Cilla Black anyway! we would of heard the story i am sure.

So if it is drinks in Cov, for comedy purposes Pooflake should invite him too, and see our pain first hand!
(MudButton does not mean to offend but......, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 17:48, closed)

I'm a free man now...

And there is nothing on this earth that could persuade me to go drinking with the waste of DNA that is Gaylett...Even if he was buying the drinks

Remember that, Mudbutton?)

In fact, it's a hard push drinking with any of them lot...and that's the god's honest truth

(Private joke - sorry everybody)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 22 Jun 2009, 18:08, closed)