Tales of Geedub.
Many years ago, I worked in a Sales office for a small company, down in that London. One of the owners of the company was a complete alcoholic, and very nearly brought the company to its knees through his constant pissing up the wall of anything good the other owners managed to accomplish.

We nicknamed him “Geedub”, through a convoluted process: his tipple of choice was scotch, or “gold watch” as it’s known in Cockney rhyming slang. This was then shortened, first to GW, then (Volkswagen stylee) to Geedub.

Highlights of his antics were:

1. Going out for drinks and a meal with some very important customers, Geedub was chatting to the big cheese of one of our biggest accounts, about a mutual contact. Geedub couldn’t remember this mutual friend’s name, resulting in the following conversation:

Geedub: “Gah, it’s on the tip of my tongue, I can’t remember it…”

*both men think for a moment*

Geedub (slamming hand down on table for effect): “I’ve got it! It’s Michael Prescott”

Other customer: “Er, no – that’s me”

Geedub (angrily): “I know!”

2. Phoning the office from his desk, and quickly answering the “incoming” call. He would then proceed (at great length) to have a conversation with an imaginary customer which would invariably result in him having to go out to site to look at a problem.

He would then proceed to disappear until 5:25, whereupon he’d roll back in, as pissed as a fart, and start work on an imaginary quotation for repairs that didn’t exist.

(These conversations were very easy to spot, and would usually result in everyone in the office stopping what they were doing to listen, and trying desperately to stifle giggles)

3. See above – Geedub would always have these imaginary conversations with real customers whose names we all recognised, so as to ensure maximum plausibility.

One day while he was deep in “conversation” with someone, that person turned up on our trade counter. When we told Geedub this, he said “Oh, I wasn’t talking to him, it was his boss” – the guy was a sole trader :)

4. Taking me to task for getting to work 5 minutes late one morning. When I asked if the fact I’d come in from Rugby, 110 miles away, on a train over which I had no control, through 5 counties and had still got in before anyone else counted in my favour he replied with “Just be on time tomorrow”

I’m sure there’s more, I’ll post again as they come to me…


/length
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 11:18, 3 replies)

This is brilliant....

disturbing and wrong, but brilliant, if you know what I mean.

Sir, If you had posted this earlier, it would be able to recieve the full compliment of clicks it deserves.

In the meantime, I am going to busy myself clicking it until Thursday.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:44, closed)

Why thank you kindly Mr Flake :)`

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 17:40, closed)

Yep
about fucking time you showed up and posted these tales about your old boss!
(Rsoles, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 20:19, closed)