Donkey Kong's Eyes of Shame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wavey lines get it?

Years ago when I was but a wee nipper waiting in the magazine section of the fine establishment that is ASDA I discovered something, a Calendar for the new year that was coming up featuring various Nintendo character's with the large neck-tie wearing ape that is Donkey Kong on the cover along with an "Official Nintendo Magazine" logo.

Now being the bright lad I was, I realised this meant the calendar was supposed to come free with this "official" magazine and indeed I did spot it in the rack sans calendar. Burning with determination to have Mario and his uncanny crew stare at me all year long, I stuffed the calendar in a near-by Playstation magazine (Blasphemy!), for I could not convince my parents to purchase an Nintendo Magazine for we had no Nintendo machine at home but, we had recently just purchased a Playstation.

The plot was a foot, swallowing my pride at the heinous act that I was about to commit I sheepishly walked towards the Parental units brandishing the Trojan Magazine that hid the true prize. Request for the Magazine was asked and accepted and onto the Asda conveyor belt it went.

Sat in the car on the way home, I thought to myself that I had become a criminal mastermind, I had conned a large shopping chain out of a free promotional item, I could be rival Indiana Jones for the cunningness of my slight of hand, maybe even be his new Shortround!

Once we got home guilt had overcome me when I pulled my sordid prize from it's trojan sheath whilst in the solitude of my bedroom, there was Donkey Kong on the cover staring intently at me, he knew I had acquired this calendar through foul play, his round beady, souless eyes piercing my soul.

As any child would do, I place the calendar in between books on my book shelve never to bee seen again, to guilty to hang it up there it stayed for years, my own personal tell-tale heart and never spoke of it again.

Eventually the Calendar disappeared naturally one day (still trying to figure that one out, I'm just glad to be rid of it!) but, the effects of this event were lasting as it has lead me to this sordid, despicable life of buying Wiis, Gameboys and controlling ever-so slightly italian stereotypes into committing mass genecodie against rather innocent bi-pedal tortoises.

Truly it was a crime worst than even Hitler himself could commit and he is reet jealous.

TL/DR: I stole a free calendar from one magazine by placing it inside another. Hardcore.
(Halfaxa, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:40, 2 replies)

You should have just put the last line.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 17:08, closed)

"trojan sheath"

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 22:58, closed)