When I was about 8
I was wandering around some DIY store with my parents. They were looking at the paints, so I wandered up the aisle and down the next one looking at hardware and the like. That's when I saw the rack with the adhesive numbers and letters on. The smaller ones were only about 12p and I thought I could get one and stick it on my bedroom door and pretend I had an address.
I ran and told my parents who said something along the lines of "What for? You don't want to be wasting your pocket money on that." Or words to that effect.
I sloped off a bit disheartened and went and looked at the numbers and letters again. I reached up to push one to the side just to see if they were all the same behind it when the front one pinged off my finger tip and skittered off across the floor. I looked about but nobody had seen. So I sidled over and put my foot over it. Looking around to see if anybody was about I then began to lurch along the aisle dragging it along under my foot before bending down, picking it up and sticking it in my pocket.

Nobody had seen me.

I then wandered over to my parents again, probably with a massively guilty expression on my face. About 10 mins later, we left with a couple of those sample paint tins.

For the next 24 hours I was petrified in case the police turned up to arrest me for theft. I looked at my number, a 7, and it laid there in my hand. The haul from my shoplifting. I could just stick it on my door and if my parents asked, I could just say I went and bought one anyway. But then when the police arrived they would see the evidence on display in plain view and I would be in borstal by the end of the day.

The next day, my parents went back to the DIY store to buy the paint they wanted and I went along with them. I had the number 7 in my pocket and when it seemed safe, I wandered back to the display to return it. But there was somebody there! I then had an idea. I went near the tills and secretly dropped it out of my pocket on to the floor, picked it up in the most hammed up fashion possible and marched over to the lady behind the till.
"Miss, I found this on the floor." I said, and handed her it. She patted me on the head and said thank you and so I ran back to my parents, a great weight lifted off my shoulders.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 17:13, 1 reply)

And you have never had a criminal impulse since

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sat 9 Nov 2013, 13:33, closed)