Pearoast from CP
Stony cove rocks................
Not as hard as my head apparently.

Some years ago I was spending a happy day with a few of my thirty-something mates all round Stony cove, a popular scuba training spot in the midlands. With us was my mate Spence, an ex-Marine mountain and arctic warfare specialist. He'd brought along ropes and climbing gear for the afternoon's fun.

And fun it was! Loads of abseiling and rock face scrambling, all done under the supervision of an accredited expert in the field. The last thing we were to learn was "the pendulum". In essence, this manoeuvre sees you at the end of the rope, half-way down the rockface, running/swinging across to find a handhold. I elected to go first.

The first two swings were a bit hesitant so my mate encouraged me in his gruff marine way by calling "RUN YOU MINCING CUNT!"

So I ran.
As fast as my legs could carry me, bearing in mind I'm 60' down a 120' sheer rock face with a deep, cold lake at the bottom, but I sprinted!

Did I mention that I'd elected to do this without a harness? Just a strop, looped round my legs and waist and fastened with a carabiner? Rope looped through a descender? No?

Then read on.

10 yards before the end of my run I realised I was going WAY too fast so, I tried to slow down. Unfortunately the friction between my boots and the rock was even less than that between fresh poodle poo and parquet so my legs flew out in front of me. In accordance with the laws of physics, my head then rushed towards the rock with equal speed. It seemed to take about two hours from my slide to the impact, but impact it did. I blacked out.

My friends watched me hit and they thought at the time it was unsurviveable. Within seconds, one had called the ambulance, two others abseiled down to me and found CP unconcious and gripping the rope like I was pulling Gary Glitter off one of my daughters*.

The ambulance arrived in minutes, by which time I was already at the top, sitting up wondering why my head hurt. At the hospital I was X-rayed to buggery, had all sorts of reflex tests and kept in overnight.

1 bruise. Didn't even break the skin.

I was so proud of my new-found indestructibility, I strutted to the nurses station to get discharged (insert smutty comment here), basking in my superheroness. They gave me back my clothes minus my trousers and grots.

"Where's my trousers and pants, did you have to cut them off me"? I asked, still swaggering a little.

"No, we threw them away 'cos you'd shit yourself" she replied, beaming.

Bugger.

*Original euphemism deleted due to extreme non-PCness
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 9:17, 8 replies)

* Pulling Gary Glitter off?

(mmm savoury snacks, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 9:27, closed)

Aged 13, I would regularly demonstrate the hardness of my head
by slamming it into things. Having put dents in locker doors and pay-and-display machines, and bounced, unharmed, off many a desk, I was challenged to take on a concrete post.
The post won, and I gave up my stupid hobby, returning to gentler pursuits.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 9:40, closed)

Giving up sounds like a good idea!
It just took me too long to realise there's a pretty broad line between 'acceptable risk' and 'You did WHAT'?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 9:44, closed)

At least you didn't deliberately smash your skull against the rock.
At least I didn't shit myself.

All's well that ends well.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 12:32, closed)

Hearty click...
I can hear Spencer shouting those words 'RUN YOU MINCING CUNT!"
as i read.
(nikg33 waiting for the weekend, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 9:43, closed)

He's not known for his diplomacy skills
Nice guy though!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 9:45, closed)

Ha haa!...

I can't remember reading this the first time, so I'm happy to catch this roasted Pea...

...You daft, hard-nutted bell-end!

*Clicks more than once for the sake of it*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 30 Mar 2012, 10:53, closed)

I love
getting boozed up at Stoney Cove, cool place to go for a beer, sometimes people drown too - quality on a Saturday
(paisleypiglet, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 2:01, closed)