Told off by landlord. BECAUSE OF FIRE
Years ago I moved into my first student house. Being situated on the corner of two overcrowded streets I was delighted to find that it had a small garage attached to the back garden. I was not so delighted to find that it contained approximately ten years worth of old Christmas trees courtesy of the previous owners. As such you would be hard pressed to fit a matchbox car in there, let alone my Nova.

I decided the best way to remove them was to cut them into small pieces and burn them slowly. For about a week I burned a enough to fill a small barbecue pit. I figured that burning a few Kilos of wood after dark would not be amiss in a suburburn neighbourhood, after all no-one had said anything to me.

Wrong. A few days later I got a Irate letter from the landlord who had been inundated with calls from my neighbours about the anti-socialness of it. Ho hum said I, I'll stop with the fires. But I was only doing so to be rid of the small dead forest that was making the garage unusable and would you be so good as to send someone round to remove them?

Two days later I came home one afternoon to find that my house was burning down. The whole street was choking in smog that seemed to be emanating from my garden. Rushing round the back I was confronted with two workmen types.

Rather than sully their pristine ford transit with a decades worth of pine needles they had decided to drag the trees into a huge pyre and burn them. In a fire that took up 80% of the back garden, that was smoking like a 1970s northern working mens club. Within about two minutes of my arrival, one chap chucked another tree on top of this flaming monstrosity and said "Right that's the lot" and proceeded to promptly fuck off along with his mate.

Leaving me alone with an empty garage, a incinerator for a back garden. And most of all the dagger eyed stare of my next door neighbour as she strode out of her house, through the smog. Silently she did not let up the evil eye the whole time as she slowly took every. last. piece. of. washing. off her clothesline and brought it inside.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 9:35, 2 replies)

I like this.
It illustrates the danger of staying too far about from bins.
( .Yeti., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:14, closed)

Fantastic
My workmates are confused how accountancy can provoke such mirth.
(Crompton, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:57, closed)