pigs, bears and boats
Good QoTW - my French girlfriend, already horrified by the British love of anythign poo related, will be mortified - she loves B3TA, so there will be a crisis...


aaaaaaaaaaanyway...



on a ropey old boat from Dar-es-salaam to Zanzibar, had a dose of the squirts anyway, boat heaving, pitching and rolling away on the ocean at night, i grabbed my torch to find the loo - didnt need it (the torch) i just had to follow my nose... i didnt have the option, my guts were thrashing like john hurt's, so i staggered into the vile pit and steadied myself agains the wall while i de-trousered; shone the torch round to see that every surface (including, natch, the wall i was holding) was coated in liquid shit...

a mate was camping in canada, having been warned to keep everything in bags up trees and away from tents etc, was a bit bear-jumpy. So on needing a dump, wandered into the woods, a good way from the tents,dropped 'em and unloaded, happy as you like until the bush right in front of him started rustling ver loudly - he panicked, and in his alarm, sat back. Right in the hot pile of poo he'd just left...



couple of years later in india, found a place to stay one night in a weeny village. Through hand signals i indicated my need, and he pointed the bog out but via the magic of sign language, told me to hide my bogroll in my shirt.. of course, i forgot. So, nonchalantly climbed the stairs to the little shed-with-box-with-hole, dropped keks and turned round - just as one of the owners pigs stuck its nose thru the hole into my arse. Apparently, they like to eat poo, and much prefer it on draught. As soon as they see someone carrying bogroll, they get all excited and wait in the drop zone for fresh ones, all hot and lovely. The only repellent is to take a big spliff in, and when the nose comes up, blow smoke in - they get all sneezy and back off. HOWEVER - then a chap finds himself coated in a thin layer of poo-scented pigsnot....
Later saw them walking around the village, covered in poo and with bits of bogroll on their heads like jaunty little caps - i swear they smiled at me...

this QoTW is about length, isn't it?

on reflection, perhaps my GF has a point - we/I AM poo - obsessed.


anyone got actual photos of The Shit That Killed Elvis?
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Fri 2 Sep 2005, 12:40, Reply)