On a trip through the American South,
my mate Dan and I stayed at a massive hotel in Houston. Settling down in the bar, we ordered a beer, and, when it arrived, we couldn't believe the size of it. It was cocking HUGE.

The barmaid obviously noted our goggle-eyed glee - with a cheeky wink, she informed us that "ever'thang's bigger in Tehks-uss, hons!" Later, we ordered steaks, and these arrived looking like fucking paving slabs - they'd basically knocked a cow's horns off, wiped its arse, and served it up. Again, our spluttered reactions of joy were met with a wink, and the reminder that "laahk ah sayud, ever'thang's bigger in Tehks-uss!"

Several massive beers later, Dan stumbled off through the nearest doorway looking for a bog. Unbeknownst to me, in his spectacularly inebriated state he'd managed to stagger blindly into the indoor pool (which, the hour being quite late, had been closed down for the night). I heard a shriek, and legged it through the door after him. I could hear the belmer gurgling and splashing around in the dark.

"What the fuck are you doing in there, you massive spaz?" I helpfully enquired, half creased with laughter.
"I dunno, man...I think I must've fallen in..." came the panicked, squeaky reply. "Oh god, please don't let anybody flush it!"

Mod Edit: *Ahem*
( grey kid is breakdancing to save a community centre, Fri 2 Sep 2005, 13:04, Reply)