Sudden evacuation
After an unpleasant bout of Campylobacter food poisoning a few years ago, I'm left with a slightly weak bowel. It doesn't bother me often, but maybe a couple of times a year I get really painful cramping pains. I know that within about half an hour, the entire contents of my digestive system are going to shoot out of my arse. This usually takes two visits to the shitter.

Last year I was in a nice pub in London (near Waterloo) when this happened. It has a Thai restaurant out the back in what used to be the garden but is now covered over semi-permanently. The loos are at the back of the pub. First visit to the loo, I evacuate a goodly amount of material and return to my table to sip some water. The cramps return. I return to the gents. The cubicle is in use so I wait, almost doubled up in pain. A bloke emerges from the cubicle and says "Whatever you do, don't flush it, it's blocked or something and it's coming up out back. Points to the Thai restaurant" My second attempt leaves a fascinatingly conical pile of shit above water level in the toilet, with the sides liberally pebble-dashed. I fight the urge to flush, but I can't leave the toilet in that state. I flush, and leave the pub fairly rapidly.

Apologies to anyone who was eating a Thai meal at the time.
( foop, Fri 2 Sep 2005, 18:13, Reply)