Not much, but...
When I was 15, I attended my first piss up at a friend's house. For once, despite being the n00b, it wasn't me that made a twat of myself. The resident obnoxious fat jerk had drunk too much, got high, and proceeded to pass out on the bathroom floor naked. Fuck knows how he got to be unclothed.

Once photographed and awakened, he lurched out of the bathroom, fell face first at the top of the stairs, and vomited down it. Twat.

When I was 5, I -for some reason- put my foot in the toilet. Whilst pissing. I remember pissing, then suddenly my foot was wedged into a slippery wet pipe and I was crying. To this day, nobody knows how my foot ended up in there, as I was so short I couldn't easily have lifted myself up and got my foot in there. Later found out the bathroom was haunted, which scared the shit out of me (luckily I was near another, unhaunted loo at the time).

When I was about 10, I suffered from a period of digestive instability. I couldn't eat much, I felt sick almost constantly, and generally didn't enjoy myself. The climax of this was when I was cursed with trapped wind at school, and had to run out of the classroom to the loo, where I proceeded to let loose a shotgun blast of a shit. Most shits take a while, or are visible to the naked eye, but not this one. Oh no. It was just like doing a high velocity fart, only made of brown water and lumps of my breakfast from several days ago. It coated the inside of the bowl, and not a centimetre more, which was even more remarkable. Once the pain had subsidded, I looked down, and burst out laughing. I didn't even flush it, and when one of the local troglodytes came in 20 minutes later saying "somone's pooed out their stomach!" I nearly died of laughter.
(youthink, Sat 3 Sep 2005, 0:09, Reply)