I'm from Lewes...
...and in 26 years I've never found any porn in the public toilets.

I spent one summer working in the kitchens at the Glyndebourne opera house (As pretty much everyone round here does). Going to the toilet was always a nervous affair as more often than not as you were sitting there either a bucket of iced water would come over the door or a rook scarer (Proper bangers, none of that French shit) would come under the door. If you very unlucky, both.

One day the head chef decides to teach one particularly irksome kp a lesson. Said kp goes into the toilets for a shit and the chef follows him, along with about five of us going to watch. The chef pulls out not a rookie but a thunderflash, the kind of banger the army use to blind enemy soldiers in trenches apparently.

The fuse is lit and the banger rolled under the door which flys open as the kp bolts from the cubicle, trousers round his ankles and a turd half pinched out of his derrick.

It was more of a boom than a bang and bits of porcelain exploded across the toilet as the bowl was wiped out.

Suffice to say that was the last time military explosives were used for practical jokes at Glyndebourne.
(Ed Can Do, Mon 5 Sep 2005, 14:53, Reply)