Rule Brtittania!!
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I once bumped into a Royal Navy chap who had the honour of serving in the Royal Yacht Britannia. We were on a course together and as military men do we got extraordinarily pissed and swapped war stories. He was a stoker (which in this day and age does NOT mean shovelling coal), and when not in the bowels of the boat he used to spend his off-duty time in the Stoker's Mess. Behind the bar in the Stoker's Mess they have some trophies..........

When the yacht goes out with the Royal Family it is in pristine condition....everything stationary is cleaned and polished, everything mobile is nailed down, then cleaned and polished. Even the toilets and associated storage tanks are clean as can be. So if a member of the Royal Family takes a dump in the stateroom, then the only turd in that storage tank will be a 'Royal Turd'. So it's scooped out, sprayed with parafin wax to preserve it, then proudly displayed in a jar behind the bar in the Stoker's Mess.

Over the course of a few trips they've collected samples of every single Royal who's ever grunted and strained on board that ship. Even Princess Di crimped off a length, but some bastard tried to nick and sell it on e-bay after she snuffed it in Paris.

I've seen the pictures. The stoker swears blind it's all true. What do you think?
(Conundrum, Tue 6 Sep 2005, 12:00, Reply)