Doing the first aider course yet again.
I found myself in a room with 8 other men of varying age, staring helplessly at a vision of womanly temptation I've yet to see the equal of.
I mean she wasn't just cute, she was stunning in way that takes ones breath away and to add insult to injury was obviously also utterly lovely in personality and demeanor and bloody funny too.
So dribbling helplessly and not really taking in what she was saying in the tiny vain hope that she'd make eye contact and make our lives complete, we dabbled in the world of emergency situations.
Then we had to pair off to practice bandaging each other. She counted around the room then looked me full in the eye and said "you'll have to have me I'm afraid"
I was afraid alright.
And that's how I got to carefully place the elbow of this perfect woman in a sling trying to avoid touching her lovely breasts, trying not to think of anything vaguely sexual and trying to avoid the envious eyes of the others in the room.

Then her husband came to collect her and broke my dreams forever.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 1:43, 2 replies)

Beats my experience the last time I did it,
I was paired up with a grossly fat man. Try as I might I couldn't get my arms around to do the Heimlich maneuver. "I guess you'll choke to death," says I.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 18 Mar 2012, 22:12, closed)

Sir, you are so large I'm going to call Greenpeace to roll you back into the water.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 19 Mar 2012, 15:07, closed)

I'm stuck on
the bit where you were trying to AVOID touching her breasts.
(username failed moderation, Mon 19 Mar 2012, 9:51, closed)

It's harder than it looks.
I actually said that too and then avoided her eye in case, y'know.

It is acutely awkward to place ones hands so close and not touch when your brain is saying "touch, touch!"
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 19 Mar 2012, 15:06, closed)