The two stupidest questions I've ever been asked
...both happened on the same trip, to the USA.

The first, if I may pearoast, was in a store, where the assistant asked me what language people spoke in England. Breathtaking in its lack of awareness. And this was urbane, sophisticated California, not Pig Fuck Alabama or Cleft Palette Lousiana.

The second was on the immigration card, where it used to ask if you were "coming to the USA for the purposes of genocide, ethnic cleansing or mass murder?".

I mean, it's a grey area, isn't it? What exactly counts as "mass"? Without an explicit number I didn't know quite what to say, so I just ticked "NO" and hoped for the best. They seemed OK with that.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 9:19, 13 replies)

I am so stupid that when filling out that card on the plane, I wanted to answer yes, just for a laugh, because as we all know customs officials have a really good sense of humor. luckily thinking brain kicked in for a few seconds and made me sensible.

However, filling in the form with a red pen I found in my carry on luggage didn't pass muster, so I had to fill it all in again after being in the queue for what seemed like days; after 26 hours of travel using the most ridiculous route (but cheapest - Birmingham, Munich, Frankfurt then to LA)this was a moment I should have borrowed a pen from one of the flying watercress's.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 10:46, closed)

Well!
I do declare...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 24 Apr 2013, 11:01, closed)

The first question is defensible
as much of English society uses a strange argot incomprehensible to the rest of the world. The language has mutated over there to such a degree that it bears only a passing resemblance to the English spoken outside of the UK borders.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 24 Apr 2013, 11:31, closed)

"Ping the booty - the ish!"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 11:33, closed)

Yes, I'm sure she asked that question because of the problems she'd encountered during her extensive travelling around "much of English society".

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 11:42, closed)

joke

______________

your head
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 25 Apr 2013, 4:46, closed)

I'm pretty sure that the English spoken in England is still more English than the English spoken in 'Murica.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 12:28, closed)

You'd be surprised, BD.
Some "American English" is actually closer to the Anglo-Saxon origin than modern English.

Their employment of "Fall" for autumn, for example.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 25 Apr 2013, 9:42, closed)

Unless American schools all have atlases that just show "Here Be Dragons"
for any areas outside the US, it really isn't defensible at all.
Mind you, I've had well educated Americans tell me that their education system is crap, so perhaps you do have a point, after all.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 14:32, closed)

I was once smuggling drugs into America...
...but got caught when on the immigration card it asked:

"Are you visiting the United States for the purposes of smuggling drugs" (or similar).

Of course, I ticket, "yes", then was promptly detained for 14 years.

If only they hadn't dished those cards out on the plane I'd have gotten away with it!
(dchurch bah, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 11:38, closed)

I have heard from several sources
that they catch up a surprising number of criminals with those questions.
Nobullshit!
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 14:15, closed)

They are notorious for these boneheaded questions.
they do it with such a straight face too.

There as a news story a while back where a TSA agent was unhappy about the answer he got from a passenger, went something like

Agent "Have you ever engaged in prostitution?"

Passenger "I don't understand the question"

Agent "It's simple enough Ma'am, have you or have you not engaged in prostitution?? The question is on this card!"

Passengers Dad "She's 5, why the hell are you asking her that?"
(username failed moderation, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 13:22, closed)

On a business trip to the US
in immigration my colleague was asked which company he worked for, to which he answered 'HSBC'. The next question he was asked was 'Can you spell that for me?'.
( more balanced than jeremy beadle It wasn't me..., Wed 24 Apr 2013, 14:00, closed)