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This is a question Twat Friends

BraynDedd tugs our sleeve and asks: "You know the one, the mate who is guaranteed to ruin every social situation by being an embarrassment/sexist/racist/bellend etc. Tell us about your twattiest mate."

(, Thu 19 Sep 2013, 10:50)
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I had a mate who, if people were sitting down, he'd back up and fart with his cheeks pressed to the back of their heads. he'd do this in pretty much any social occasion
Whether this makes him a boorish cunt or a funny fucker depends entirely on your perspective.
We went surfing once but there was no surf so we went for a swim off the pier. There was a big scuba diving class treading water practising something with their kit there. My mate swam out amongst them and did a huge shit which floated to the surface. He climbed up onto the pier and started pointing and yelling out "poofish! poofish!" 'til he had their attention.
I guess I'm in the "funny fucker" camp, though he did fart on my head at my wedding reception
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 13:18, 28 replies)
You're friends with Rory?

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 13:45, closed)
I'm in Stalag Limpwrist.
It is just a little camp.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 14:06, closed)
heh!

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 14:09, closed)
Irrelevance aside, this reply surely wins this week.

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:55, closed)
Given that it's lifted from The News Huddlines,
it probably shouldn't win anything.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:57, closed)
So long as he doesn't do
it when you start doing your GCSE's, it's probably harmless.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 15:23, closed)
Oooo, look at me. I'm too mature to enjoy a fart joke. where's my cardigan, I don't want to catch a chill

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:31, closed)
Much as it pains me to agree with this ghastly knobcheese, I'm afraid your mate sounds like an even worse one.

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:40, closed)
Why don't you two just have a lemon party and get it over with

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 18:09, closed)
I've got no problem with fart jokes.
farting is funny, no doubt about it.

But the bit about doing it on your head - in the very unlikely event it's actually true, if someone did it to me I'd break their arm.

Still, that's just me.
(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 12:55, closed)
sure you would
I myself often rupture the spleen with a driving knee thrust of people who bump into me with their trolleys while queueing at the supermarket, then spit on them as the paramedics take them away.
Have we established what internet hard men we are?
(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 13:47, closed)
Well,
that was unexpected.

You have all the originality of Dave's evening program schedule.
(, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 8:54, closed)
I'm sorry, don't break my arm, please

(, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 12:32, closed)
If one of my 'mates' crapped in the sea then started shouting 'poofish' I'd drown the cunt
having first forced him to have a mouthful of this 'fish'.

Your mate's a fucking spastic.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 16:45, closed)
I was having difficulty articulating quite what this post inspired in me
But this is most definitely it
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 19:28, closed)

articulating urinating without pain
(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 12:33, closed)
"poofish"

(, Wed 25 Sep 2013, 9:21, closed)
On this imaginary scale from boorish to funny
your mate is way to the left of 'boorish' over at 'barely human shit-the-bed cripplewit'

Birds of a feather, eh?
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 18:17, closed)
I'd shag that Dorian Gray.

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 20:07, closed)
I've got his painting in my loft.

(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 21:52, closed)
in this case, it's an excellent question of the week example
see, I can't lose even if you go full-force Shambodignation
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 21:35, closed)
You can and do lose
by admitting publicly to being amused by (and thus enabling) the behaviour of such a prize cunt.

Other than that, it is a wholly relevant answer to the question of the week.
(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:39, closed)
your mum enabled my scrotum last week

(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 12:30, closed)
I can hear your mate laughing at that right now.

(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 13:26, closed)
i always find it amusing when people take pride in not finding things funny
when i tend to associate the condition with small mindedness and autistics
(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 13:54, closed)
No-one here's taking pride in the fact that your mate's a puerile wanker.

(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 14:57, closed)
I love the "no-one here" instead of "I".
classic internet puffed-up cat
img1.photographersdirect.com/img/18015/wm/pd864539.jpg
(, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 17:45, closed)
Click for " poofish"
Well i thought it was funny so fuck off sensible grown up twats.
(, Mon 23 Sep 2013, 21:18, closed)

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