Mmm yes do tell old chap
Puffs cigar and drinks brandy.....
The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know ..... big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum. Well, it was quite a task 'cause she had a big bum and they were big lobsters.
Well, she had one and, er, you know, presumably in the afterlife she still has one. But I had to, used to go round, you know, of an evening when Jayne was sleeping or sort of comatose, like you know, just lying there and, er, I had to retrieve these lobsters from her arsehole.
Basically, she suffered from, er, what was known in-, in the medical trade as 'lobsters-up-the-arsehole' this was the scientific, er, term for it but, you know, in general terms it was known as 'Lobsterisimus -um- Bummakisimus and it was my job every evening to go round to Jayne who was a sweet girl Sweet, charming, shy, mysterious girl and get these fucking lobsters out of her arsehole.
Which is so tricky because she was a very sensitive woman, you know.
I used to go round there every evening and these lobsters, you know, she used to go out bathing in Malibu which is where she used to go out bathing Malibu, yes. Malibu-de-bum-bum. And, erm, up went the lobsters - boing! - straight up her arsehole
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 13:05, Reply)