Twat with a Capital T!
Pre-season softball meets can be a real drag. A load of competitive dads and uninterested mums get together in the clubhouse to 'plan' the season. The fathers talk about training regimes and fixture lists, whilst the women use the get-together to gossip and natter over equally inane issues.

The only saving grace at these interminably dull events is Bella, the club secretary. She's a knockout...with two wonderfully large softballs - if you know what I mean!

Last season I found myself sat with Reggie, an old mate with whom I can share stories dating back to high-school. Reg, like me is now 'happily' married and both our good wives were also chatting with each other at the back of the bar. Reg and I spied Bella collecting glasses from the next table, she was, as usual, wearing a particularly low-cut top, with a couple of buttons more than necessary undone.

'I'll never tire of looking at those tits', said Reggie, or at least he thought he'd said. But by some awful piece of unintended comic timing, Reggie's comment came at a moment of near perfect silence in the room. Everybody heard.

The whole room stared at us, and our wives reddened deeply with embarrassment.

Reggie took stock of the situation. How was he going to get out of this one?

'For fucks sake Rob!' He yelled, pointing at me, 'You're married with a kid...she's half your age mate.'

And with that he slowly got up from the table, leaving everybody staring at me with the horrible hatred and pity reserved for middle-aged perverts. I caught Bella's eye for a second, she slowly and purposefully did the buttons up on her blouse and flounced out the room.

I don't think I've ever squared that one with the missus, nor with the softball club for that matter. Still, a mate's a mate, eh?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 9:16, 3 replies)

I don't believe a word of this,
yet I am outraged beyond belief, nonetheless.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 9:20, closed)

Umm.
Yeah, thanks. Ever so sorry to disappoint you Alby.
I prefer when "ringofyre" (Brigadier) does one of his epic tales to be honest.

Nice try I 'spose. Aside from getting the plot and theme completely wrong. Maybe post it AB-style as your own.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 9:36, closed)

Good idea!

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:41, closed)

You haven't made the narrator anywhere near pathetic or dull enough.
But I like tits.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 9:46, closed)

Look it's pathetic dull man
here to tell us all about what we're doing wrong. Nice post count there shambo.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 9:56, closed)

I wasn't trying to imitate the narrator.
I've just re-spun it. And now we have story of Reggie being an genuinely twattish mate.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 9:56, closed)

"I reviewed job applications from women much younger than myself
in order to gain personal information and images which I then used for my own sexual gratification."
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:06, closed)

Pervert.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:09, closed)

"I took advantage of a terrorist attack
to start an impromptu moped taxi service. I managed to bed one of my fares who just happened to be an amazingly attractive woman."
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:15, closed)

Worse than Hitler.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:16, closed)

"I had access to a premium coffee making machine
before the rest of the world did."
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:18, closed)

Hope you enjoyed it. A fine cup of coffee indeed.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:19, closed)

Sorry Alby. I didn't post in that thread at the time cause I didn't want to seem rude.
"I claim to own multiple properties that I'm supposedly making an absolute mint off, yet I fail to understand the basic concepts of negative gearing and capital gains. To the point that I'll be lucky to gain equity in my primary residence."
*This from an Aussie POV no less but an Aussie that at least knows the difference between a fixed and variable interest rate mortgage.*
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:40, closed)

That's ok...get it all out your system.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:42, closed)

Twat with a Capital T!
Pre-season softball meets can be a real drag. A load of competitive dads and uninterested mums get together in the clubhouse to 'plan' the season. The fathers talk about training regimes and fixture lists, whilst the women use the get-together to gossip and natter over equally inane issues.

The only saving grace at these interminably dull events is Bella, the club secretary. She's a knockout...with two wonderfully large softballs - if you know what I mean!

Last season I found myself sat with Reggie, an old mate with whom I can share stories dating back to high-school. Reg, like me is now 'happily' married and both our good wives were also chatting with each other at the back of the bar. Reg and I spied Bella collecting glasses from the next table, she was, as usual, wearing a particularly low-cut top, with a couple of buttons more than necessary undone.

'I'll never tire of looking at those tits', said Reggie, or at least he thought he'd said. But by some awful piece of unintended comic timing, Reggie's comment came at a moment of near perfect silence in the room. Everybody heard.

The whole room stared at us, and our wives reddened deeply with embarrassment.

Reggie took stock of the situation. How was he going to get out of this one?

'For fucks sake Rob!' He yelled, pointing at me, 'You're married with a kid...she's half your age mate.'

And with that he slowly got up from the table, leaving everybody staring at me with the horrible hatred and pity reserved for middle-aged perverts. I caught Bella's eye for a second, she slowly and purposefully did the buttons up on her blouse and flounced out the room.

I don't think I've ever squared that one with the missus, nor with the softball club for that matter. Still, a mate's a mate, eh
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:47, closed)

I like this!

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:49, closed)

Lie-bert for Mod!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 10:47, closed)