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This is a question Twattery

Nigella Pussycat says: Tell us about utter twats doing remarkably twatty things. Or have you ever done something really twattish to a friend, loved one or pet? In summary: Twats

(, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:30)
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Going underground.
The Tube. Oh gods, the Tube. I know it's a pretty easy target in this context, but I swear TfL must have a giant warehouse of twats that they dump at a station every morning and allow to percolate through the network just in time for everyone to be trying to use it. In fact, the only reason the Tube shuts overnight is so LUL employees can go round with monkey nets rounding up all the twats ready for the next day of inconsiderate twattery.

(They're pretty easy to track. You just follow the unmistakeable sound of the International Shit Music Podcast played too loud on the dire pair of headphones Apple bundle with all of their devices.)

It's got to be official. One of those old Victorian byelaws of the type that get wheeled out for man-in-pub-esque "Did You Know?" newspaper articles during silly season. A statute that every Jubilee line train must have one person who sits in their seat right up until the moment anyone else tries to get on, at which point they get up to test the limits of adherence to the "let people off the train first" rule. Mandates on the percentage of people determined to stand in the middle of the vestibule despite the empty corridor beyond (99%). A rule that no matter which way someone moves to let other people off at the station, there will always be just that *one* who has to shove past in the opposite direction. It's just too perfect, too regimented, too one per train carriage to be mere accidental, everyday twattery of the sort enjoyed above ground.

I can see this actually. A committee of 19th century mutton-chopped gentlemen gathered in the club puffing at pipes debating whether every station needs someone trudging endlessly up and down the stairs with a piece of wheeled luggage the approximate size of a VW camper van (as described in the popular science fiction of the time), or whether just the ones which are really, really busy will do.

So yes. For this question, I nominate those bastard secretive Victorian cabals who made the rules. Twats. Monocled, sophisticated twats, but twats nevertheless.
(, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 23:00, 1 reply)
Serves you right for not being able to afford to travel by car.
You filthy communist.
(, Mon 16 Apr 2012, 23:57, closed)

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