A few years ago
I had been at a wedding reception getting happily then merrily then steamingly drunk, proper skull fucked on shitty lager drunk. Got a lift home at 2 in the morning and staggered to the back door (had just moved house, and the front door was broken) and tried the key. didn't fit. hmmm, tried another key, that didn't fit either, staring through the side window I could faintly see that someone had locked the back door and left the key in, spent ages knocking on the door, trying to reach through the cat flap to remove the key to no avail.

Eventually gave up and passed out in my car, cat napping and sleeping fitfully, waking up a few hours later feeling utterly shit, dog tired, stinking of stale alcohol, head pounding to find someone had unlocked the back door.

Grumbling I ambled through the house and up started up the stairs when the foulest stench of sewer and rot hit me enough to make me almost hurl, getting to the top of the stairs there it was, the source of the most vile pungent odour ever.

The bathroom door wide open, my rather obese sister, naked, half crouching, staring at me, hand full of toilet paper

toilet paper covered with gut churningly stinking shit
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 May 2009, 20:29, 2 replies)

Urgh
Why did she unlock the door before doing that?
(Scritty Bakerman., Fri 29 May 2009, 17:31, closed)

she didn't
apparently having small children means you have to leave every fucking door apart from the front and back ones open
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 29 May 2009, 20:07, closed)