If you'll allow me the pleasure of a pea roast which just about fits in here I think
There was a story in my local newspaper a few years ago about a bloke who was up in court on an indecency charge, because a lady who worked as a cleaner was on her way to work early one morning and said she saw him standing naked by his window, curtains fully drawn, fwapping away for all to see. Perhaps not that dangerous at 5am, perhaps he knew she was coming...who knows.

He got off (the charge...) by proving that he was right-handed whereas she said he'd been using his left...

The reason I remember this story is because the man is a genius. I'll explain:

First of all, I'm right-handed and I generally use my left for the old knuckle shuffle (that's all you need to know). But the genius part is that no lawyer/judge/person is ever going to stand up court and dispute his argument!! Seriously, how could they prove it? By admitting they can use both hands!? By asking him if it is at all possible that he could use his other hand to masturbate...and then ask for a demonstration!?

Lovely.
(Zutroy started without you, Fri 29 May 2009, 3:36, 2 replies)

Ho .. lee ... fuck
Greenock Telegraph, right?
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Fri 29 May 2009, 23:22, closed)

Oh yes
it's a wondeful publication...
(Zutroy started without you, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 1:46, closed)