Center Parcs
I am not sure this completely counts, as there was no accident about it. Although I certainly did not mean to be naked.

Between leaving school and going to university in 1992 I and a few friends went to Center Parcs for a break.

A lovely time was had, drinking more than you should at a family resort and splish splashing around in the water park.

Things were fine, as long as these activities were kept separate, but, boys being boys (or twats being twats in our case) we did not always keep them apart.

Drink and water slides and hyperactive 18 year olds do not a good mix make. We must have been a nightmare for the other people, and I am surprised we did not get kicked out. I do genuinely still feel bad for the people that had to put up with us. I would be livid if the shoe was on the other foot. But, nonetheless, we had what was our idea of fun, racing each other down the rapids, clambering over each other in what, with hindsight, I see as a slightly homoerotic manner, to see who could get to the bottom first.

One pleasantly sunny afternoon, after a mildly liquid lunch, off we went to the pool. The racing quickly started. After a few battles and some light-hearted horseplay (which was in no way gay, no sir, it couldn't possibly have been seen to be gay) I got myself ahead and suddenly felt a hand grab the back of my shorts only to realise far too late that I hadn’t done them up tightly enough. With a panicked twist and a failed grab I turned around to see my best mate laughing gleefully as my shorts disappeared down my calves, past my ankles and off the end of my feet.

And then looked skyward as he threw them over my head and way down the rapids in front of me.

I had no choice but to sit up, cover my rapidly shrivelling manhood with my hands and traverse the rest of the ride red face with my hands clasped firmly beneath my thighs until I reached the pool at the end. To be greeted by the hoots of laughter of my so called friends and the sight of a middle aged woman clutching my swim shorts looking at them with a mix of disgust, fury and confusion.

At which, I summoned all the dignity I could muster, walked up to her and said with excessive politeness ‘Excuse me, I think they may belong to me’, took them back and walked slowly away trying to keep my head held high.



(Although upon writing this, I wish with hindsight I had had the wit to look at them, then hand them back to her and say ‘No, sorry, my mistake, they are the wrong size’. )
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 29 May 2009, 13:39, 1 reply)

So you were being homoerotic
and trying to get to the bottom first?
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Fri 29 May 2009, 13:48, closed)