New neighbors
My next-door neighbor is a chain-smoking, overweight, broken down old bar fly. The landlord trusted her to rent the side of the duplex I now reside in, and I think she chose me because she thought I was close enough to her age that she could get a little action from me.

She was nice enough to do the lawn work while I moved in and unpacked. This included trimming the shrubs around the place.

So I get up one Saturday morn and, as is my custom, walk about the house without the benefit of any covering. Of course, I haven't gotten the drapes up yet, and as I walk out into the living room, guess who's trimming the shrubbery in front of the big picture window, cigarette/fag hanging out of her mouth?

Not sure if she got a peek or not, but she was friendly for a while.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Fri 29 May 2009, 19:23, Reply)