Caught on the throne
I wasn't there for this one, so please excuse the secondary source. Nevertheless, a group of my friends (not the imaginary ones this time...) had boarded a train to go somewhere than was not where they were originally.

In typical British public transport style, there were not many seats available in standard class, despite all the cunts in first-class each having space for a pair of seats to themselves, possibly with a table as well, and/or a complementary cup of tea and a blowjob from the woman with the buffet trolley. My friends were forced to sit, stand or lean in the end of one of the carriages with a toilet in it.

This was one of those cars where they'd attempted to make the whole experience a bit futuristic. You know, rather than just locking yourself into a small, square cubicle and trying to ignore the horror of unclenching your bowels in a dirty, wobbling train carriage, they'd provided one of those large, rounded spaces. The ones with the sliding door and electronic locking system. Why not be distracted from the foul and putrid state of this toilet by pretending you're taking a crap in the fucking Starship Enterprise?

So, after a little while, one of these gentlemen decided that he can definitely hear nature calling unto him, and, seeing as he'll be on this train for another hour or so, he may as well relieve himself in this conveniently placed SciFiCrapper^TM.

He entered the portal.

He pressed the button to close the door, and the door slid shut with a hissing noise akin to that of a Starfleet Turbolift.

He either failed to push the "lock" button, or the lock wasn't working, for no sooner had he lowered his trousers and sat gingerly upon this foul throne, than a passing Scotsman wandered past, jabbed the "Door Open" button and laughed.

And there he sat, as the door slid open to reveal him, sat upon the crapper, to all his friends.

All he could muster was an embarrassed "Bugger" as he realised there was nothing he could do about it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 16:41, 4 replies)

Have you seen the woman who pushes the trolley though?
in my experience they're all about 65, built like a proverbial and are called Doris or Gladys
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 17:01, closed)

So...
...are you saying you would or wouldn't accept oral sex from them if you were travelling first class?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 17:18, closed)

If I was travelling first class
and had a cock, I'd want it to be from a hottie, not a Doris.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 18:06, closed)

Ahh but
the gums
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 20:40, closed)