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This is a question Utterly Drunk

Now is your chance to warn others of the dangers of drinking to excess. On the other hand, what hilarious japes did you get up to while shitfaced?

Thanks to Battered for the suggestion

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:55)
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Stereotypical Brit Abroad
When I was a younger chap (21 maybe?), my friends and I decided that it would be a superb idea to book ourselves on a gentleman's holiday to the magnificent resort of Malia. We drove our Honda Accords to to the travel agents to make the arrangements before doing MASSIVE DRUGS LOL.

Skip forward a few months and myself and four friends are in a bar on the main strip in Malia drinking cheap sugary drinks from a variety of novelty receptacles. As the night progressed I lost the ability to form actual words but managed to get the attention of a young lady through a series of grunts and provocative dance moves. I have no idea how it happened but the next thing that I knew I was walking with her back to her hotel.

After what seemed like miles we arrived only to be greeted by the hotel security telling us that under no circumstances was I going to be allowed to enter his establishment to plough this fine lady as I wasn't a paying guest and I was thoroughly intoxicated. As you can imagine this news didn't please me much. My grunts and provocative dance moves didn't have the same effect on the security as they did on my companion so we walked away from the entrance to discuss our options. My hotel was miles away and I was sharing a room with friends so that was out of the question so we decided that the best way for me to gain entry was to sneak in through the hedge while she was distracting the security.

After walking through a very muddy field I found a gap in the hedge which I attempted to slip through unnoticed. Obviously my current level of intoxication meant that I was far less subtle than I imagined and another member of the hotel security spotted me. He shouted something into his radio and I took off back across the field and down the road. In the distance I heard the sound of small engines firing up and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to outrun them on their chav quads. I jumped over a low wall and crossed my fingers that they wouldn't see me. Sure enough I heard they fly past at which point a light bulb appeared above my head. If they are chasing me down the road, nobody is guarding the front of the hotel!

I proudly strode up to the gates, walked straight in and quickly found the room of my beloved for the evening. After what was probably a very inadequate amount of foreplay we were both in our birthday suits ready to make the beast with two backs.

A knock at the door and much shouting quickly scared the living bejesus out of me so I collected my clothes and climbed into the wardrobe. Luckily after a few sharp words, the security dispersed and we were left to make disappointingly quick and unsatisfying love.

The next morning I awoke and immediately speculated how I was going to get out of the hotel without being beaten up by security so I decided that a surprise exit was in order. I bid farewell to my conquest and sprinted out of the hotel. I will never forget the look of surprise on the security guards face as I ran hell for leather out of the front gate. As soon as I got to the place where I had hid the night before I jumped over the wall and waited for the impending sound of quads to zip past me. Not knowing how long they would search for me I waited for them to return before strolling back to my hotel for a kip.

I'm never normally a quick thinker especially when drunk so this ranks as one of my proudest drunken moments.

tl;dr drunkenly outsmarted Greek hotel security guards in order to get laid.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:57, 4 replies)
Nice one

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:13, closed)

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:56, closed)

That's epic, AND first! Why isn't it much shorter and crapper, are you that good?
(, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 4:32, closed)
I type....
....faster than Oscas Pistorius pulls the trigger.
(, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 9:19, closed)

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