Look out! here comes the ciderman ( a repost)
Popped out for a few jars and a friendly chat with girl I fancied. Nothing serious mind, but testing the water and finding out how she felt about me. She suggests cider, I agree - although I seem to have some kind of genetic problem with cider (my dad is the same) in that it makes my legs wobbly even when I feel fine. Not wanting to make a poor impression on the "1st date" I get stuck into the draught cider, matching her pint for pint. She's a tall girl who can handle her drink and I feel good to be with her and after more than a few pints am feeling warm and happy. At this point I pop off the barstool for a p-break and manage to get my foot caught in the bottom bar, falling gracefully over. She laughs. I laugh too. I return feeling much better and resolve to go steady on the booze. Too late, I've already had enough for serious damage to occur. Realising I'm now in a bit of a pickle I suggest we leave and I walk her home. No more than 3 steps outside the pub I fall over, ON MY FACE. She helps me up, we try again. I fall over on my face on the kerb. My sister arrives, laughs and calls a cab seeing that I won't get anywhere using my legs. I stand and fall over backwards into the gutter where the rain runs down my collar. I give up trying to stand and await my fate. I have been given a bag of frozen peas for my swelling face.

Time passes. I awake in my bed and feel a bit rough. Standing slowly I walk towards the bathroom. The duvet follows me. It is attached firmly to my elbow by a large crusty clot of blood. I soak my elbow in the sink to remove the duvet. A glance in the mirror reveals a face not dissimilar to the bit in Terminator where his face has been blown off with a shotgun. I call work and tell them I'm sick. I retire to bed a broken individual with a hole in my elbow like a cat's arse covered in ketchup. One eyelid has split at the corner like an overripe fruit.

I no longer drink cider
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 17 Feb 2013, 14:47, 5 replies)

It sounds like that girl kicked you insensible and you blacked out and forgot.
Your unconscious simply made up the whole slapstick falling over part to protect your ego.
( 4Q just lurking, Sun 17 Feb 2013, 19:28, closed)

I have found.
That some women are a bit imune to cider.

You didn't finish the story. Did you see her again?
(Pill Popper Thank you Sasha Shulgin, Sun 17 Feb 2013, 19:32, closed)

Yes I did.
Somewhat surprisingly given my less than impressive display of capacity.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 17 Feb 2013, 19:43, closed)

You make it all sound so plausible;
up to now I had always thought that blaming a particular variety of booze was poor excuse for not being able to hold your liquor.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 4:41, closed)

It is entirely true.
I'd have been fine downing the same quantity of beer and cannot explain why this should be so.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 12:18, closed)

As a teenager I used to drink cider from two-litre bottles in the park
I could put away gallons of the stuff and still feel fine, then sometime around my 17th birthday I pretty much gave it up entirely (at least, on its own, as several snakebite-and-blacks from my university days will testify).

About five years ago before I got together with Mrs emvee we'd gone to the park together for a bit of a picnic. She had a couple of two-litre bottles of cider with her and we got stuck into those. By the end of the day I was on my hands and knees hurling the half-digested picnic into a bush.

I no longer drink cider, which is annoying since the fridge at work is full of the stuff and ran out of beer back at the start of January.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 8:34, closed)