Almost Asphyxiation
Years ago, out on the piss one night in Hobart, with my housemates Enormous Bruce and Little Joe. We had more than a skinful, smoked a million ciggies, spent all but a few coins, sun was rising over the horizon, so time to stumble home.

We made the traditional stop into Charlie Brown’s hotdog house for some lip’n’arsehole hotdogs in a pulpy white roll. Standing on the footpath, swaying in the non-existent breeze, dutifully scarfing down our hotdogs, then continue to ride the beer taxi home.

Once home, the lads passed out in their respective bedrooms, but I felt the need to chunder, so made my way to the bathroom.

Now, I find vomiting into a toilet somewhat crass, especially in a sharehouse full of blokes (too much bark painting), so I leaned over the (relatively) clean bath and made ready to regurgitate everywhere, with intent to sluice it down the plughole with some water.

After a few false starts and a lot of drooling, there was a familar heave of the stomach, a large lump arose in my throat... and there it stayed.

Fuck!!! Can’t breathe!! Choking!!

Reeling around the tiny bathroom, going purple in the face, gagging with panic, I was fucking choking on something big and solid. With one final throat tearing blurrrghh, out it came. I sucked in beautiful cool air...and I couldn’t believe what I saw.

In a pool of bile, at the bottom of the bath was a perfectly intact hotdog, the sausage was even still in the roll. How the fuck I managed to eat it, let alone bring it back up (and not die), still has me buggered to this day.

Anyway, I was so impressed, I immediately roused the other to come and admire my glutton/regurgitation skills, but um...they didn’t really seem that enthused. So, I carried it outside, and fed it to the fat greedy Labrador next door, then fell asleep on the lawn.
( Ken Oath, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 10:46, 7 replies)

I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, but ...
you may be turning into a snake
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 10:48, closed)

I'll stick to raw eggs next time.

( Ken Oath, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 10:54, closed)

"has me buggered to this day"
I think you might have answered your own question there.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 11:21, closed)

:D

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 11:33, closed)

Needs more Toyota
ads?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 18 Feb 2013, 11:50, closed)

Imagine the scene
when the labrador shit the hotdog out whole.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 23:58, closed)

And then Charlie Brown collects it to sell on.
AND THE CYCLE BEGINS ANEW
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 19 Feb 2013, 9:29, closed)