My Worst VomitWe all love a drink. Some of us love them so much they want to see them again on the way out of their mouths. I once got caught by surprise by the boozy sickness while chatting to some friends in my kitchen. Quick as a flash I grabbed a nearby pan and chundered away merrily in it. Realising it was probably time for bed I staggered off to my room. Unfortunately, my co-ordination failed just as I reached the landing and I somersaulted down the entire flight of stairs with my saucepan full of vomit. Beat that!
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chthonic, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 21:00)
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And another one!This one time when I was at Aston Uni in Birmingham we had this dead cushy and well paid job working for a market research company which chiefly consisted of knocking on peoples doors and asking questions about their education to establish a "baseline for NVQ standards" or some such management arse flannel....
.... and of course the EXTREMELY pretentious upper class idiots that ran the market research company (which was based on Aston Science Park, near the Black Horse pub: You Know Who You Are) utterly failed to take into account that once out of sight of anyone involved in management the average student would proceed to invent the answers to the questionaires then retire to the nearest hostlery for 9 hours uninterupted drinking....
ANYWAY - where was I? - oh yes - the job was taking place in Manchester and so we would all drive up from Brum on the Saturday morning nice and early to get a full days "work" in, and this one time I went out the night before and got arse-clenchingly shit faced: you know the type.... the only way I could face getting the bus into town in the morning to get the lift to Manc was by running a bath to the hottest temperature I could take and then lying in it with only my nose out of the water for about an hour groaning in utter agony......
And then when I get to the office to get the lift up there the only person left with space in their car is the really obnoxious posh twat whose car is a brand new Nova brought for him by Mater and Pater - and as you can guess I cannot stand the sight of the spoiled little oik.
So: we are bombing up the M6 and I feel the urge to vom welling up deep within (and ain't morning after vomits the worst?) and I just manage to wind the window down before yakking toxic green acidic stomach sludge down the wing of the car....
.. at which point mommy's boy slams on the anchors and leaps out and proceeds to dab ineffectually at the steaming mess, ranting "ooooh! my paintwork!! mummy will be SO upset!"
It was SO worth it - the image of this distressed snob mopping up "Alien blood" strength stomach contents with a flimsy little napkin put a smile on my face despite a hangover the size of Nebraska!
(, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 16:47, Reply)
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