Rob, I'll see you and raise you one tequila.... Ooh dare I?
Ok WTF, nobody here knows me in real life.

I was flying to Central America in the morning and the previous night someone challenged me to a tequila shot contest thing. I'm not a big drinker but can drink anyone under the table when it comes to tequila and I did. The next morning I woke up early so I could get to Heathrow in time for my flight. I felt fine, had a bath and in the middle of washing my feet I got a sudden urge an projectile vomited the previous night's RED Ruby Murray (curry, for the non-Brits) everywhere. It never stopped. The bathroom was covered with red stuff. Ceiling, floor, tiles, mats, the works. I cleaned up as best I could because my flat was on the market and there was a chance that prospective buyers would view while I was away. In between projectile vomiting I managed to get myself together and into the cab. I was still being sick so the cabbie gave me a plastic bag and I vomited into that all the way to the airport, ready to dump the vomit bag into the nearest bin before entering the Terminal.
Trouble is, there was a high-security ring of people around the terminal because of a bomb warning that weekend. The bins were all sealed. I had to enter the terminal with my Sainsbury's bag full of vomit. NOBODY was allowed into the terminal without a body and luggage search. The policewoman approached me and asked me if she could check my bags. "You don't want to do that" says I, "Why not?" she asked. So I had to tell her. She was suspicious, didn't believe me and insisted she checked it. Poor thing nearly upchucked herself! She escorted me to the loo where I disposed of the contents.

I cringe now but at the time I felt so wretched I couldn't give a damn.

It gets worse. I phoned my aunt from the airport and asked her to clean up the bathroom and quick because of prospective buyers! All the bathroom bits were white (the mat, towels, etc) and I couldn't clean it all in my state. My aunt, bless her, did come in and clean the bathroom.
My aunt's big fat incontinent mother-in-law was visiting her at the time....

When I got home a few weeks later, I walked into the bathroom to find the most gigantic pair of incontinence knickers pegged to the shower rail, a pair of handcuffs hanging from my 4 poster bed, a bottle of tequila on the pillow next to a tube of KY Jelly. My aunt's revenge!
( Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Mon 23 Aug 2004, 9:19, Reply)