My Worst VomitWe all love a drink. Some of us love them so much they want to see them again on the way out of their mouths. I once got caught by surprise by the boozy sickness while chatting to some friends in my kitchen. Quick as a flash I grabbed a nearby pan and chundered away merrily in it. Realising it was probably time for bed I staggered off to my room. Unfortunately, my co-ordination failed just as I reached the landing and I somersaulted down the entire flight of stairs with my saucepan full of vomit. Beat that!
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chthonic, Thu 19 Aug 2004, 21:00)
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Chinese - Alchie - Boss - SagaI'm not often sick, it doesn't happen because I have a wonderful constitution oh no I make sure it doesn't happen owing to the burning sensation and the vurps that you will do for 24 hours after throwing up. All vile and no thanks, however occasionally vomit can be a beautiful thing.
Promoted at work, boss takes me out for a drink. Boss is big alchie who can't hold a pint glass until he's had at least four pints because of the shakes. Me heap big tosspot (as the native Americans would have it no doubt) decides I will match this booze hound drink for drink. Stupid, stupid, stupid boy. Two hours and 9 pints later I am utterley spactically drunk, I have marginally less control over my body than Steven Hawking altohugh more rhythm it must be said. Seems like a good idea to eat and try and soothe the savage beast that is my prodigous drunkeness.
The first bite of crispy aromatic duck hits taste bud and I have to go and be a little sick. Halfway across the restaurant my stomach muscles are trying to leap out of my ears and I realise it's hand over the mouth time. I just make the kharzi door as sick splays out from between my fingers in the manner of a lawn sprinkler, so far so fucking terrible. I shamble into the gents hurl a huge parabolic arc of nastiness over both urinals then crawl to the trap where i heave my aching guts up into toilet bowl for what seems like three weeks. After this get up wiping the bloody great slaves of puke off of me as best I can and decide to enjoy a cigarette. Needless to say I doze off and am woken by two very upset chinese chaps wanting "OU' OF FRUCKING RESTAUWANT NOW" as I am led out of the toilet towards the exit (my boss lying on the floor laughing and being helped to reach his visa) I slip in some of the earlier sicky by the toilet door and bring down a trolley piled high with some poor girls hen night feast...and do you know after the cavalcade of sick I felt much much better.
I make no apology for my girth.
Goodnight I love you all.
(, Wed 25 Aug 2004, 17:48, Reply)
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