"Follow the puke breadcrumbs"
Me mate's 19th birthday night we'd decided to ranksack some friend's flat and replace the entire contents of his fridge with as much alcohol as we could stuff in there. Along with the only remaining foodstuff there which was a solitary cabbage.

Birthday boy turns up and the party begins. Drinks of wine, beer, lager, vodka, whiskey etc etc. After the warmup, we then hit the taxis and make it to a few clubs. Lots 'n' lots of drinking, including the birthday boy being allowed to stay in a club to drink himself to the point of outer body experiences as he knew the manager of the club who was egging him with drink as well. An "after-hour" lock-in occured and we left a good hour after everyone else had, all quite happily pissed, except for the birthday boy who was now talking to Elvis in the corner.

End of the lock-in we all stumble out of the club and head for the taxi rank. No taxis or queues there, so we stand about for a bit. Except for birthday boy, who is now attempting to hump a nearby tree while shouting to us "LEAVE ME BE! I KNOW THE WAY HOME!!!!". A taxi drives past and is about to stop until he witnesses some oak-rape, tells us to fuck off and keeps driving.

After some effort was put in, we managed to get birthday boy off the tree and lean him up next to one of the lads. The next taxi comes past and this time stops for us.
"Ok if we lean him out of the window driver?" asks I.
"Sure, just don't drop him" jokes the driver.
So we hang him out of the rear passenger side window. We go up the road and reach the outskirts of the city centre, which is about 3 miles by road to our target destination of back to the party flat. And that's when he starts puking.

He didn't projectile vomit though, he was aiming downwards for all of it. But instead there was a constant dribble of puke and alcohol pouring from him all the way upto the flat. Because we'd hit all green traffic lights on the road too, coupled with the lack of traffic at 4am, this led to birthday boy creating a puke-distance record of the complete 3 miles upto the road outside the flat.

We shuffled out of the taxi and carried him inside, paying and thanking the driver while failing to tell him that his rear car door was covered in puke on the outside.

Gotta be some kind of distance record that.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Sat 9 Jan 2010, 14:42, Reply)