Sea Sick Blackivar
There are many who speak of the calming effect of the ocean, I am not one of them.

My nautical experiences have seldom ended with the contents of my stomach remaining where they began but usually, it has to be said, I am the only one who has to deal with that.

However, one summer back in the mid eighties, my parents decided to make the trip to France, obviously these being the days before Ryanair and Easyjet they elected to get to the continent by boat.

It all seemed to start well; we had arrived at New Haven in plenty of time, the seas were calm, it looked like it would be a easy, pleasant hop over to the continent. Buoyed by the prospect of a ferry-trip free of gut-wrenching lurches I tucked into a round of egg, tomato and onion sandwiches that my mother had made.

Half an hour in to the voyage and the boat is hardly rocking, the English channel is virtually a mill pond, my stomach, however, was unconvinced. With each minute swell (and by minute I mean the princess and the pea would have difficulty registering it) my innards tightened. I could feel the back of my throat begin to sweat, my cheeks were beginning to flush, very soon I was going to retch.

I bolted for the nearest toilet but as I raced down a corridor the spasms increased, my fight against my reverse peristalsis was a failure - but I wasn't going to give up without a fight. No, as the acrid burning liquid rushed up my throat, I jammed my hand across my mouth determined to hold it in until I could make the loos - that was the theory.

It seems what I had actually done, was reduce the area in which the vomit could escape therefore increasing the pressure propelling it from my body. The egg sandwich/hydrochloric acid mixture shot from my mouth arcing into the air, it traveled a good three metres before splattering against the leg of a man who unwittingly and no doubt regrettably had chosen to wear shorts that day. He was not pleased. I honestly believe my father thought twice before he laid to claim to me and chaperoned me away.

For the sake of my fellow passengers I did not eat for the rest of the journey.
(Blackivar is falling with style, Sun 10 Jan 2010, 23:30, 2 replies)

i don't think it was the sea that made you sick
the egg, tomato and onion sandwiches, on the other hand...
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 10 Jan 2010, 23:49, closed)

Ah, the old Newhaven - Dieppe service
In the 80s I spent many a happy crossing wandering about the arcades without the cash to play Pole Position, Ghouls and Ghosts and 1943.

Thems were the days.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 8:33, closed)