REPOST ALERT
I can assure you dear reader that this is not just your average tale of pissing/puking in the cupboard, shoes, plant pot etc.... But a tale of sleepwalking lessons learned at the expense of my future dignity.

I was 18 many moons ago and I was at my first ever house party with some mates. Up until this point in my life I had never got drunk or stoned and If you know me you'll know that I have a taste for the finer alcoholic beverages in life, beer and vodka can get fucked, I'm a fine whiskey man. We arrive at said house party with cheap booze (skol, hofmiester etc...) with the strictest intention of nicking everyone else's better quality booze. I find some quality whiskey in the garage and decide I'm gonna have a eloquent evening with whiskey, cigars and cheap floozies. But my mate 'sir snikpo' wants to have a downing competition with the expensive whiskey which I advise him is not a good idea but we duly finish the large bottle very quickly and this is where my memory ends.......

The story continues from what I've been told by witnesses testimonies..... Turns out I go on the rampage at this party and thus causing all sorts of havoc. The pinnacle I've been told is when I started juggling eggs blindfolded with own sock and inevitably made a horrible mess of the carpet and my head. Allegedly I collapsed not long after this and my mates were accused of giving me drugs and promptly thrown out of the party. I was then shipped home to the folks who were not best pleased to see there first born in such a state. The old man drags me up to bed to sleep it off and dumps me there, oh and did I mention it was only half ten in the evening at this point.

This is where the fun starts. In my sleepy drunken state I somehow managed take all my clothes off, throw up over myself, piss everywhere and shit the bed. But I had also fallen asleep in this foul pit of stench and disease. Not long later my parents and little bro and sis got the shock of their lives about an hour or so after putting me to bed. I had sleepwalked bollock naked covered in shit, piss and vomit from my attic bedroom to the garden where I picked up the hosepipe walked into the house and then on into the living room where my family were watching TV, and all the time snoring my head off like an elephant with sinus problems.

My father picked up and took me into the garden and showered me and I still didn't wake up. My mother sorted out the bedding while my fucking complete toss rag of a sister documented the whole affair on video camera. The next day I felt like shit but could not remember a dam thing, my mum gave a right telling off while my dad was behind her pissing himself (I think he had done something similar in the past). After many years of searching the video remains elusive and has been locked away somewhere just waiting to show its ugly head at some sort of function that concerns me. bugger!!!!!!!

Never sleepwalked since but i talk a lot of bollocks in my sleep allegedly

No apologies for length cause I'm blessed
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 13:11, Reply)