didn'r exactly tax my brain
many years ago, my brother was going out with a girl called alex, who had moved into my parents' house with him. she was always a sneaky cow and, not long after she moved in, stuff started to go missing. just little things at first, like smokes or the odd quid here and there.
then my purse went missing. it had been on the kitchen counter, because i'd just been sorting out my bills and hadn't left the house since, so i knew it should still be inside. alex was the only other person in the house. i asked her if she'd seen it and she turned on the waterworks, saying i was calling her a thief. i had called her no such thing, but her overreaction definitely made me suspicious.
2 days later, alex "found" my purse, outside the church on the corner. everything was still inside, except my money. the purse was also amazingly dry, considering we'd had 2 days of torrential rain. i knew she'd taken it, but couldn't prove it.
the following week, i had again been paid and had left my money on my bed, whilst i went to make a cuppa. again, alex was the only other person in the house. i heard her sneaking across the upstairs landing, so i headed upstairs. she must have heard me coming, because she scurried back to my brother's room and, as soon as i entered my room, she shot downstairs and out of the front door.
i counted my money. there was £10 missing.
i didn't mention to anyone how much had been taken.
when alex got back an hour later with the new skirt she'd just bought(which, coincidentally, cost £10), i confronted her.
where's my money, alex?" i asked.
"what money?" she asked.
"the money you stole from my room earlier."
"i didn't steal no £10", she whined.
she failed to understand how she'd just blown herself sky-high, the stupid cunt.
she finally got kicked out a few months later, after emptying my brother's bank account whilst he was at work and trying to pin the blame on my sister.
like i say, hardly taxing of the little grey cells.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 19:24, 9 replies)

Did she also steal
all of your capital letters?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 19:29, closed)

no, i gave those away years ago
it's hard enough typing as it is without using capital letters. not that i'm a spacker, i just have bad eyesight and very long fingernails.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 19:31, closed)

Lies.
Spacker ;P
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 13 Oct 2011, 21:10, closed)

mmmnnnnnnnnnnnnggg

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 21:21, closed)

Not as funny 2nd time round.... Thanks Mock Turtle.
Better get a cuppa on for the missus now.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 13 Oct 2011, 21:30, closed)

as
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 9:08, closed)

this really shouldn't make me laugh

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 11:57, closed)

Why did you wait a few months to kick her out?

(McChinaman banned, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 4:07, closed)

it wasn't my house
it was and still is my parents' house. if it was up to me, i'd never have let her move in.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 14 Oct 2011, 11:56, closed)