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This is a question The B3TA Detective Agency

Universalpsykopath tugs our coat and says: Tell us about your feats of deduction and the little mysteries you've solved. Alternatively, tell us about the simple, everyday things that mystified you for far too long.

(, Thu 13 Oct 2011, 12:52)
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The Mystery of the Perennial Scud.
Hooray! Got a QOTW suggestion accepted! Today, I am a man.

Now, gentle reader, this happened when I was a mere lad of fifteen or sixteen. Back in them days, modems were 56.6k and broadband was but the fevered dream of a madman. So if you wanted some covert scud, you had to wait, pixel by agonizing pixel.

Until, walking to school one day, my cohorts and I found that something WONDERFUL had happened overnight! The streets were paved with porn! Page after torn-out page of it, covering the long, leafy path up to the school! Unfortunately, some knob-jockey from the CU reported it, the school cleaners were called in and the filth was cleared away. Bags were searched, folders opened and away the lovely porno went.

But the next day, it happened again. It was as though God, in his infinite wisdom, had finally seen fit to make a porno tree that shed its leaves in the presence of testosterone and frustration. It was far harder for the authorities to find this time. Some hid it up their jumpers. Others wrapped their lunches in it. Others still simply stashed it somewhere secure before walking into the school.

An assembly was called. Someone, for their own nefarious ends was littering the school grounds with this... this...filth, and anyone found in possession thereof would be punished. The police had been called in. Meanwhile, don't talk to strangers, don't accept lifts, etc.

I resolved to try and get to the bottom of this mystery, rather unwisely, because I didn't want our mystery benefactor to get into trouble. I went full-on Nancy Drew. Reasoning the school was a natural wind-break, I checked wind direction over the previous two nights. And I found my way to Mr. Arif's* shop. He was legendary for his surliness, his refusal to sell cigarettes to anyone even slightly young-looking and his strict 'no-school uniforms' policy. He was also legendary for not having porno in his shop.

For whatever reason, some must have been delivered to him. And, not wanting to have it on his Allah-fearing premises, he'd destroyed it, and put it in the wheelie bins outside. One of which had no lid, and some of the muck still in.

I mulled over telling the miserable old fucker what was going on. But then, I reasoned, I was still in uniform. He wouldn't have let me in, see?

*Name changed to protect the innocent
(, Mon 17 Oct 2011, 16:14, 1 reply)
Nicely told.

(, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 14:47, closed)

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