Just remembered one from primay school...
I remember a guy called Mark at my primary school who wasn't special needs (at least he didn't receive any extra help or anything, so I'm presuming he was just stupid...), yet did some of the oddest things, and came out with some of the most outlandish things I have ever heard. Well, outlandish for an incredibly stupid person. He drew exactly like a child draws (he was 10 at the time he joined our school), and I never liked him. For some time I used to leg him up whenever I saw him. Here are some of his moments of brilliance:

He once told me he had caught the tooth fairy and killed her.

He once told me he had a swimming pool in his garden. Fair enough you might think, except he said it had a killer whale in it. Upon further investigation it transpired he didn't have a killer whale. Or a swimming pool.

He once told me his uncle played for England. I asked his mum if this was true to prove he was lying, knowing full well it wasn't, which she confirmed. Instead of simply conceding that he was lying, however, he then started to get quite irate and began insisting his uncle was Chris Waddle.

He once told me he made a giant paper plane, out of paper (his words, not mine), and flew to the sun in it, where he promptly died. But it was ok, because he was "back now".

But my favourite trait of his, which still makes me laugh to this day whenever I think about it, was his "alien face".

Whenever anyone said "Mark, do your alien face!" to him, he would put his right fist so it was touching his right shoulder, start waving his left arm around wildly, whilst scrunching his face up as tightly as possible (and we're talking fucking tight here...) and making an odd semi-roaring kind of sound, and then proceed to run around the playground as though we had just lit him on fire. As if this wasn't funny enough, it would often transpire that he was scrunching his face up so tightly, he couldn't actually see anything, and this often resulted in him running into things. Like trees.

I often lie awake at night and wonder what the fuck he ended up as. I can't sleep sometimes at the thought that he might have gone to university and got into politics or something, and now holds a position with some authority over people's lives... Or, more likely, he probably fell off a cliff or something.
( PMGT -Bacon., Sat 20 Jan 2007, 23:17, Reply)