No-one massively interesting....
But we did have quite a few... Pick your favourite from:

Annemarie, the speccy moon faced kid who ate plasticine and regularly pissed herself.

Jason, ugly as sin, walked like John Wayne thus constantly looking like he'd shat himself - sometime he actually had.

Andrew, the kid who ran away at least once a week, and was always found hiding in a bin just outside the school (but has gone on to do really well, nice one Andrew).

Kelley, the midget girl with the voice of a forty-a-day baritone (she was the voice of God in the school play).

Vickie, deflowered at a young age and pregnant at 12. Probably a 25 year old grandmother by now...

Lee, the kid who threw a burning carpet into the science block during the school holidays, destroying our head of years office and narrowly missing the storeroom full of dangerous-ish chemicals.

Sam (m) the kid caught trying to smoke actual grass from the playing field.

Edit: And there was Kevin, the standard issue elephant hormone boy with man breasts, beard and height of 6ft at the age of 11. Always played in goal in football as he occupied most of it.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:55, Reply)

Wierd Alan
would you believe that this was at university when surely 13 years of bullying should have weeded out this sort of thing.

University halls had a communal IT suite. one night, alan got his cock out while looking at pron. this being in a crouded room.

Boy next to him: "Put it away Alan"
Alan: "Ok" alan keeps it out

Grils on row behind: "Alan! Put it Away!"
Alan: "ok" Alan keeps it out
Girls call campus security

Security Guard: "Alan mate, put it away"
Alan: "ok" cock stay out
Security Guard: "I don't have the training to deal with this, I'm going to have to call the police"
Alan: "ok"

Police Officer: "Sir, Put it away"
Alan: "ok"
Police: "sir, I'm going to have to arrest you"
Alan: "ok"

they did infact take alan away.

EDIT: after all this, he didn't get to squirt
(Stonkwood Pipes made me do it, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:51, Reply)

Its you...
They do say that if you cannot figure out who the cnut is on a work course within half an hour, then its you. I presume the same happens at every school. That said we had a really nice school with no weird kids.
(Neostenine's maker, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:50, Reply)

Not very funny story
In junior school I became friends with the class weirdo - mainly because I was a lovely girl and did't like the idea of this person having no friends. She had dirty blonde hair that looked like she cut it herself and she was short and fat. Her name was Marilyn and she would wet herself in class and swear at the teachers. Now this was in the 70's when swearing at teacers just wasn't done. Her mother died when she was a baby and she lived with her father further down the road on our estate. I can't remember the details but she commited suicide a year or two later. Imagine wanting to die when your only a child and having the guts to carry it out. I can still see her chubby face and remember the awful clothes she used to wear. And I still wonder if there was more I could have done to stop her.

I remember you Marilyn.
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:44, Reply)

"Marcus Cabbage Foot"
I went to a shitty comprehensive in deepest darkest Somerset, and because of this I have never before or since met such a bunch of inbred carrot-crunching semi-illiterate freaks. Don't get me wrong, I am Somerset born and bred, but you don't have to conform to stereotype and everyone has the ability for cognitive development, you just have to choose to do so.

Marcus must have been a borderline retard. Given his penchant for dribbling and his inability to string a sentence together, it seems more than likely. Marcus also had a spacky right foot so he was allowed to wear trainers to school, and I shit-you-not, he had a different pair every week. Not shitty ones either, they were Nikes and Reeboks...this being the early 90's he had the brightest most inflatable trainers money could buy.

Being a shitty backwater school we didn't have PC's in our computer room, we had "Nimbus" computers, the Betamax of the home computer market. Now this is the point of the story, during a computer lesson Marcus PUKED all over a Nimbus keyboard, I wasn't there but according to reports, it went everywhere. Disgusting.

From that point onwards nobody wanted to touch a Nimbus keyboard in case it was the one that had been dickered in smelly spacker vomit. Girls would cry if you told them mid-lesson they were using the keyboard Marcus chucked-up on. Mates used to insult each other with, "You want to lick the keyboard Marcus puked on"...."No, you want to kiss his cabbage foot"...

In all fairness I don't think he was ever picked on or bullied, probably because that would have put you in puking range.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:39, Reply)

Vladamir
I'm actually wearing a black t-shirt with a skull on it. (punisher logo actually)
I truly am the weird kid.
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:37, Reply)

Kevin Woolgar
The man mother nature forgot. Once had his arm broken after saving a penalty taken by a GIRL with one of those flyaway footys. How can your arm break by being hit by such an incredibly small amount of force?

Remember the film twins with DeVito and Arnie? This kid was the scraps of DeVito's character.
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:37, Reply)

What was his name..?
I forget. It'll come to me I'm sure. It was more the stuff he did that I remember...

10 years old, shat himself in class. Quizzed about this years later, he says he "did a fart that felt a bit wet" but thought little of it until break, when he found that he'd "plopped his kecks". Naturally, he took off his shitty pants and hid them in his desk. By summer, the shit-stench was quite bad.

Coloured everything in in his exercise books with a variety of highlighter pens. So much was highlighted that any sections not coloured in stood out more.

Suddenly went bald in clumps.

In a private study lesson he abruptly shouted out "Fucking scooter!" in a weirdly high-pitched shriek - the local accent he had (strongly) made it sound like "Ferkin Shcootie!"
Why? What scooter? Why did it upset him so? We will never know.
Admittedly, this became a sort of sixth form catch-phrase: faint cries of "Ferkin Shcootie!" haunt me to this day - but still - strange chap.
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:34, Reply)

What a question!!
Our residnet teenage nutter was a fellow called David Bowman. A man who was born 52years old or so. Used to come into 6th form (own clothes jobby) Wearing a tweed blazer (With the leather patches on the elbows naturally), cream trousers and a shirt. No tie, but buttoned up to the top nonetheless. I was friends with him and indeed started my first trips to the pub with him and others, we used to bully him into undoing the top button but not five minutes after him unbuttoning, we'd look around and there he is, buttoned to the brim again. We could never catch him at it.

All this on top of a badly affected acne face and the hugest ginger afro I've ever seen.
Had the usual Pratchett/warhammer/geeky things I dont truely understand pedigree.
Once said to someone who slighted him 'I'll grill you on a sodium torch, cut you up into little pieces and start feeding you TO YOUR OWN MOTHER!'

A dude, sort of.
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:34, Reply)

His name was Brian
I could mention the time that someone convinced him that to get his bike fixed he needed to go to the bike shop and say he needed a blow job. Or the fact that despite being thick, ugly, smelly and that his personality consisted of being a complete cunt - he somehow thought he was cleverer and better than absolutely everyone else at school.

Instead I shall just say that about 4 years after I left school (i.e. about 6 years after he left school with only an E in GCSE English) I saw him working in McDonalds. Unfortunately he recognised me. I asked him what he'd been doing since school and he replied that he'd been working in McDonalds since leaving school.

Not particularly surprising but after about 6 years there he STILL HAD NO STARS ON HIS BADGE!

That must be some sort of record.
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:30, Reply)

I think you'll find that was me
1987 - Started primary school. Owing to having parents who listened to Radio 4 constantly, no siblings my age and no friends, I spoke like an over-educated adult. None of the other kids understood a word I said.

1988-1993 - The violent geek years. Top of the class in everything. Very poor parents, which meant that all my clothes came from Oxfam. Ferociously unpopular. Settled everything with my fists, to great success. Crowning moment of glory? Making a boy literally twice my size cry.

1993-1995 – The hated years. Became the object of a hate campaign involving every kid in the year group against me. Eighty-nine to one. Girls telling me I was so ugly nobody would ever want to have sex with me. Boys setting fire to my clothes (whilst I was still wearing them, of course). Teachers turning a blind eye because they hated me too.

1995-1996 – Anorexic freak girl. Every school has one – it was me.

1996-1999 – Took up the cello. Practised constantly. Had no other interests.

1999-2001 – The only girl who took maths and physics A levels. This earned me a reputation as an ugly lesbian, neither of which I am (well, definitely not the latter anyway. The former is a matter of personal opinion).

Meh. I’m still a freak.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:30, Reply)

hmmmm.....
I imagine it was probably me! In the first year I 'procured' (stole!) a big lump of Sodium and preceeded to throw it down the toilets....cue massive explosion, me and a friend emerging from said toilets with comedy blacked up faces and hair sticking up in the air!! How i avoided suspension for that i do not know was quite expensive to fix so I was told!

Fast forward a bit to the 3rd year and cue me managing to get hold of a Teachers password, which allowed me unlimited access to the school network which contained all our grades. Clever cloggs here decides to change all his grades to A....ALL of em! Including subjects i was obviously failing...and even a couple of subjects I had 'dropped out' of the year before. This time i Was suspended for 2 weeks and even the police became involved as I had brkoen the Data Protection Act...

There are lots more including the time i blew all the electrics (by sticking the motor from one of them hand held fans directly into the mains), and the time i narly burnt the place down!!

Think my name is stil mentioned amongst some of the teachers there to this day.....
(Scotch Egg Bollx, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:27, Reply)

Bullying standards are down!
My missus is a secondary school teacher. She has a boy in one of her classes who 'soils' himself at least twice a week. You'd think he'd get bullied about it? No. Apparently the other kids don't even mention it. What's wrong with children today?
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:22, Reply)

My middle school took all kinds,
but mostly the stupid kinds. The most outstanding of which was Matthew. He had giant thick glasses and a face to which no expression came, ever.

He would mostly keep to himself, but his redeeming quality among bullies was that if you told him something, anything, about himself, no matter how plain and truthful, he would reply with something along the lines of "NO, YOU!"

For example:
"Hey, Matthew, I see you're wearing pants."
"No, YOU'RE wearing pants!"

"Hey look, you're eating a taco."
"No, YOU'RE eating a taco!"

Apart from him, it was me who was considered the weird one. Partly because I was fat and mental, but this being America, a big part of it was that I once mentioned I was atheist. Fun.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:22, Reply)

Weird kid...
Apologies in advance for length, this was one very strange boy...

I went to school with not only the weirdest kid , but quite possibly the weirdest thing in the world... ever. Even compared to those fish that the BBC doco crew discovered.

We shall call him Paul, for that was his name. At my highschool on our first day, all the new kids were given their network access details, with a default password of "hello". Now being kids, we all thought that by leaving our passwords as "hello" we would thwart the dastardly hackers that have a slavering need to access 14 year olds rudimentary email programs and banned versions of D&D rip off text adventures... This little security flaw became apparent to Paul very early on, and he quickly learned that he could log on to many many email accounts with very little persistence. Did he use this knowledge for evil? Well, that's in the eye of the beholder.

Enter, the head of IT. A crazy afro'd barrel of a man who had his detention giving priveleges revoked for giving 65 in one day. This made him into a big impotent laughing stock, but still to be feared. He just looked like he'd punch your pubescent nose in, and to hell with the consequences.

So what does Paul do? He sends the head of IT an email every week from a different email account... weird, not overly. He did it every week for his entire time in high school. Six years! Still not weird enough? The email read exactly the same every week from year dot, and it gets weirder. The text in the email was as follows; "There is a staff meeting today. Dirty bottom."

Need another couple of examples about our young friend?

He had a thing about naked people, in that they made him freak out. So life drawing classes were a nightmare for him and he managed to avoid every single one for the three years we had them. Eventually the teach got sick of his excuses and said "Paul, whatever you say or do today, i will not let you leave. You are staying for the whole class, I don't care if the principal has a meeting with you or you haev to go to sickbay. Nothing will make me let you leave". So Paul begged, pleaded, lied. nothing worked. He even dropped an easel on his foot. To no avail.

So the frumpy middle aged model waddles in and disrobes and we all get scribbling. It was then a strange thing happened. Paul seemed to be into it. He was feverishly working on his drawing and didn't seem too upset by the whole experience. As the class went on, he even started to look pleased as he stepped back from his work to admire it. The teacher starts to look incredibly smug, and holds him up as an example of maturity, etc, etc. So the end of the class comes and we all rotate our easels to admire each others work.

Paul, with some encouragement, reveals his masterpiece. A perfectly rendered drawing of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Last one; and it'll be quick. On a school camp out to the wilderness we were all responsible for our own food. We were given lists that suggested what we should bring, but it was up to us to buy and carry it all.

Sitting around teh campfire on the first night, the instructors quizzed everyone about their menus for the week. Paul proudly announces that he has managed to bring a lot of fruit! bananas, pineapples, strawberries and cream. The instructors are intrigued and ask him to show them. He pulls out a bag chock full of sweets, but sure enough, they are candy bananas, pineapples and strawberries and cream.

That was the strangest week of my life, because Paul wasn't allowed to have his medication with him (out of fear that some kids would steal it and get themselves high). Apparently he was on some very strong stuff. Go figure?!
(lessmiserable, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:19, Reply)

So it's not just me...
Why do I get the feeling that this QOTW is just going to turn into the revelation, like Kirk Douglass in the crowd of slaves, that I'm the weird Kid, no, I'm The Weird Kid...

Yup, it was me. Not only was I the Weird Kid but I was also Gay... you see I was brought up in a small mining village. During the strike Daddy dear was a "pig" mmm that went down well with my school friends. I read books and listened to Radio 4, and in our village if you didn't have a smokers cough stubble and 3 kids by the age of 12 then you obviously liked it up the wrong 'un.

The crap thing was I didn't know that I was a figure of ridicule until I met an old school friend who said to me "I never liked the way you were bullied" Bullied? I hadn't noticed... thus proof that Nottinghamshire bullying standards are terribly low and should be addressed by government.

btw. Now I'm really well paid and work on the radio I can't wait for the re-union :-)
(rockers74 killed a man in Reno just to watch him die., Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:18, Reply)

Shan't name him (Rhymes with Tosh, though)
Many a story about this fine specimen of mental retardation.

For a start, in French lessons we would constantly remind of us his three sisters (Lottie, Charlotte and Ellie if you must know), which, in hindsight, may have meant more than a load of year 8 boys can figure out.

He also used to, happily, ask older years to pay him change (1's, 2's and 5's) to do a dance to "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts". Cringeworthy, but somewhat amusing for us lot. Especially as he was fat.

He also brought in a wireless phone from home and claimed it was the latest in mobile technology.

The best of all was when he sat on a chair, which couldn't handle his weight, and proceeded to collapse onto the floor. Cue a rowdy bunch of year 8's pissing ourselves at him, and being given a class detention, all because we had a clown in our midst!

Apologies for length, and you probably had to be there for half of it to be funny. But oh well.
( Addyjoe, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:06, Reply)

Christ
I was the weird kid in my class, maybe the whole school.
I would regularly headbutt anything extremely hard just for bets.
I once spent an entire term shouting 'I AM NOEL! Look at my tiny beard!' at random times, stroking my face for no good reason (this was around the time of Noel's house party).
I developed an imaginary allergy to the word 'bacon' and ran screaming terrified if anyone said it.
I named four people in my history class War, Death, Famine and Pestilence. To be fair Famine was REALLY skinny (even more so than me) and Pestilence was a spotty freak, but Death was a little guy with short curly hair (later he was nicknamed 'pube') who could moonwalk like nobody's business.
I named a boy and girl in my maths class 'Mum' and 'Dad'. I went to them if I ever had any problems and they'd just stare at me like I was some kind of mong. They did start referring to me as 'son' eventually though.
I bullied a fat boy who wore glasses relentlessly by calling him the sugar plum fairy and posing questions to him like, 'why is it that when you go for a pee, no matter how hard you shake afterwards there's still one drop that stains the front of your pants?'
I ate a kilo of cheese washed down with a ribena/pepsi mix, before P.E. I also ate an oxo cube whole, condensed beef is not so yummy and I was spitting gravy for the rest of the day.

*Reminisces*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:03, Reply)

We had a kid that would run laps around the school with his willy hanging out
He also had a psychotically violent reaction to teasing, which only encouraged us. His name was Bart, and you could call him 'fart' to watch him crash towards you in the middle of class knocking desks over on his way to attack. His attacks were fairly ineffective and easy to fend off. Im sure these days he would be diagnosed with some disorder and put on drugs. His school bag always seemed to be full of loose colouring pencils that would spill out whenever he got into scuffles.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 11:00, Reply)

Two In my schoool.
They would regularly go to the toilet with each other and time how long it would take to have a piss. Then arguee over who was the fatsest pisser. They also had dubious personal hygiene. Strange.
(HungOver, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:57, Reply)

Think of the internet as a class.
There are clever smug hard-workers who always do well and everyone else hates (www.bbc.co.uk), tough kids who just make trouble and everyone is scared of (www.cia.gov), and sexy but rather dim girls who spend their time combing their hair and giggling (www.sex.etc). The weird kid in the corner, dressed in a T-shirt with a skull on it, who has a collection of dead beetles in his desk drawer, who once pierced his own ears at breaktime, who fantasises about shooting all of his classmates, well, that’s obviously www.b3ta.com.
( vladimir, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:57, Reply)

From my mate Alex

I'd like to tell you about a childhood friend of mine, who upon reflection was very strange, but at the time was the best friend a child could have.

His name was Andrew and as well as the psychological peculiarities, he had several strange physical traits as well:

1: His air grew at exactly a 45 degree angle; every hair on his head pointed in the same direction.
2. He walked using toe-heel instead of heel-toe
3 . In times of distress he took comfort by biting his knuckles.

Andrew would only eat boiled carrots peas and mince, and had that for dinner every single night of his life. His parents let him watch 'The Exorcist', 'Predator' and 'Terminator' when he was 11. He shared a bedroom with his older brother, who always slept nude and Andrew nicknamed him 'The Master Blaster'. His bed had bricks under one end, and was covered with a rubber sheet, to allow easy drainage for the frequent times Andrew would piss himself in the night. He said he had a pond in his garden but it was really a Walls ice cream tub filled with rain water and shit where Andrew used to squat over it. He believed the Terminator lived in his dads tool shed and would never go near it. He must have had some mixed up DNA, or given off some kind of pheromones as dogs would chase him wherever he went.

He had a number of trademark phrases that would make Bruce Forsythe ashamed. We all remember them to this day, especially the unique tone and cadence he used when he said them.

In the canteen he would order a "jack-podado...budder 'n' cheese", alternating from a very high to a very low pitch after every 2nd syllable. When excited he would bite his knuckle and sing "ne-ne-ne-ne-neeeeee" repeatedly for hours on end. When he saw a woman with big boobs he would shout "breasts so big as I am". We had another friend whose surname was Keane, and who was a bit chubby, so Andrew used to call him 'Juicy Keaney'. Andrew would sit in class, rubbing his thighs and rocking back and forth, saying with his slight speech impediment 'Juishy Keaney... Juishy Keaney' over and over. One day Juicy Keaney came up to Andrew and said 'if you call me Juicy Keaney one more time, I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with the soggy ends'. Andrew said in a remorseful tone 'don't do dat Juishy Keaney......oopsh'.

Andrew was once indecently assaulted in the alley way behind his home, and I was round his house when he told the police officer about the 'white stuff coming out of the mans willy'. This shouldn't really be funny, it just is.

Andrew genuinely believed he was a ninja, and that it was his destiny to slay the troll population that lived underground in the park. He made a costume which consisted of a pair of swimming goggles with the red and blue lenses from 3D glasses sellotaped into them, black pyjamas, and black gloves, with a big cardboard sign stuck to his back that said DDD. He made this up to stand for 'deadly, dark and dare-some', and he arranged a kind of secret handshake with me, only it was more like semaphore, where we would make signals with our hands and arms whilst saying "triple D". This was the only way to be sure our bodies hadn't been possessed by the spirit of a troll. He frequently used to run around the park trying to find the secret entrance to the troll cave, until he got too scared and pissed himself.

Eventually he moved far away, but I went to visit him years later, wondering if he would have changed at all. When I got to his house he had his pet rat in his pants. Nope, same old Andrew.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:54, Reply)

Not so much weird
...but sad and lonely. Probably because his Mum died when he was in the first year and his dad was a police inspector. We couldn't really tease him about his dad being a pig, cos his mum was dead.

How unfair is that?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:50, Reply)

Kid in our class
... once got caught having a wank in the back of an English lesson.

Later he became the best tennis player in the school. It's all in the wrist action.
(><(((">, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:46, Reply)

Weird Kid
I was considered a weird kid, I can read you see, and pronounce the 'th' sound.
Go figure.
I lived in New York for a time, in the states, the whole substitution of 'f' for'th' would be picked up on in schools as an impediment and the persone sent for speech therapy. Here we write it off as charming regional dialect. Bollocks, it's laziness. I'm weird because I pronounce words correctly? so be it.
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:43, Reply)

Rockin Robert
We had Robert.
Who would sit and rock forwards and backwards almost constantly.

He once described a 17th Century drawing of a white bloke wearing a funny wig as "Martin Luther King" in an R.E. Class. Much to our amusement.

However, the best thing he ever managed was getting run over by a pushbike on the way to school and being found by a milkman driving his milk float who had to call the ambulance as he'd fainted.
That earnt him a good few days off school.

I later heard that he was working in a solicitors and went to the toilet, but came back to his desk after forgetting to put his trousers and pants back on!
He apparently also threw a typewriter at someone across his desk for disagreeing with him.
I like to think that the abuse he got at school in no way contributed to his lunacy.
(maceie, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:42, Reply)

I have a horrible feeling...
that it was me.

When my little sister started secondary school she was warned about the school weirdo who sat in a corner reading and beat up anyone who interrupted her. You've guessed the punchline already, haven't you, you cunning little b3tards.

Still, at least she never had so much as an instant's trouble from bullies....
(littlesunshine licked your blinky diodes on, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:40, Reply)

weird kid
in our secondary school , still wearing short trousers in 3rd year. clever but no common sense. got picked on unmerifully as kids do. caused the teacher to loose his rag when he caught him writing with the inside bit of a biro.

voted kid most likely to turn in a mad scientist called robin i remember
(montyzuma, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:34, Reply)

There was a boy in my class
who would keep odd things in his drawer. You know, those plastic drawers you get under your desk in primary school.
These included a class-worth of stolen erasers, nuts and bolts, and parts of broken electronics.
He took apart his PC, put it all in a cereal box, and claimed he made a computer. Nutter...
( Christian Bale of Hay in a field, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:29, Reply)

woo first
story to follow
(Handel blah blah blah, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 10:27, Reply)