My class was full of fuckups..
The first one of them was a kid called Duncan. Duncan never spoke to anybody. He didn't have any friends or acquaintances. Duncan did however have his tennis ball. Through many years of wear and tear, his tennis ball had lost is coating of fine green fuzz, but Duncan loved it anyway. Duncan spent every minute of his playtime in the same spot in the playground every day. He would throw his beloved tennis ball at the same spot over and over. It would bounce on the floor, then the same spot on the wall, and would land comfortably back in Duncan's hands. Duncan would then giggle wildly. It was not a normal giggle. It was actually quite chilling to hear. He would repeat this over and over and over as much as he could. Duncan never tired of this activity, and if my memory serves me correctly he unfailingly pursued this activity every playtime/lunchtime for the four years he attended my school. If anyone approached Duncan in his secluded little corner and acted as if they wanted to take his tennis ball, Duncan would react swiftly and violently. Nobody ever got Duncan's ball away from him, though many tried.

The second I shall tell you about was Treeby. His real name was Michael, but for some reason everyone called him Treeby. His parents were Jehovah's Witnesses, which exempt him from assembly and RE. Treeby had a face that appeared to be on the verge of crying all the time, but we never actually saw him cry. He did once punch me when I told him the joke; "Knock knock. Who's there? YOUR PARENTS!!"

Now we progress to high school. At high school there was a kid called Brandon. Brandon was one of those funny looking kids that seemed to match the typical "nerd" caricature to a tee. Brandon made himself famous by one day deciding to steal his dad's company car to drive down to London to visit his 30 year old girlfriend. Brandon was 13 at the time. He got an impressive total of 3 miles before crashing into a petrol pump.

Last but by no means least is Simon Spooner. As if the name isn't enough, right? Spooner was a true fuckup of a grand magnitude. His accolades included:
- Having a cyclops dad who refused to wear an eye patch. We were nice enough to call his dad Rell. If you've seen the film Krull, you'll understand. Rell seemed to have an excuse to visit the school every week, walking around with a gaping hole in his face, scaring all the kids.
- Having a plain black dog called "Spot." Figure that one out.
- Carrying a folder with a polaroid picture of his rabbit tucked into the sleeve. On the polaroid he had scrawled the words "my rabbit somky." The rabbit's name was Smoky.
- Never realising he was the butt of every joke. One time someone yelled to him "Hey Spooner, your aunty Reenie's at the window." He promptly responded with an loud, screechy wail "She can't be! My aunt Reenie's in Slough!" As if that wasn't amusing enough, the original kid didn't even know Spooner had an aunt Reenie. He was just yelling it as an ongoing injoke he had with his friends. Furthermore, the class in which this happened was on the third floor.
- Managing to be in the remedial group for every single lesson he had throughout his entire high school career. He was the only person in the school to ever achieve this.
- Completely losing his composure one time and getting suspended for three weeks over a simple joke. One time he walked into class late and the teacher asked "Where have you been?" A friend of mine piped in and said "He went for a wafty crank, Miss." Spooner went fucking mental. First, he screeched like a banshee and tears erupted from his eyes. Then he threw his Somky folder across the class and started punching he door. When the teacher went over to calm him down, he punched her in the face and pushed her onto her arse. Then he stormed out of the room.
( MarkyH feels like the H in Bob Hoskins' name, Thu 25 Jan 2007, 0:36, Reply)