A few teachers
in my high school, music and RE departments had a MASSIVE staff turnover, I mean to the extent they were financial liabillities, they eventually just stopped replacing the teachers and we'd get a lot of lessons off, and the occasional harrassed substitute.

This is because most of them ran away crying, however one particular guy stood out.

Guy called "Bernard", Blackest guy I ever saw, made us refer to him by his christian name, which I suppose passes for "friendly" among substitute teachers. He had a thick, nigh on inpenetrable african accent, and mostly taught us to sing hymns to Jesus, notible moments are telling a girl the Devil was inside her when she told a wee fib, and getting fired for throwing athiests and muslims from his lessons, just for not accepting Jesus Christ.

There was also a french teacher who assured us she wasn't japanese, but we didn't believe her, because she just looked and sounded japanese.

She gave merit stickers out pretty darn willy nilly, I remember knocking two desks over as makeshift fortifications, and throwing pens at each other over and to the side of them, then after she strolled over, just casually telling us to get on with our work, giving us all merit stickers for doing ten minute's work of the hour.

Mr. Weekes was a legend, every morning he'd be greeted by all the lights in his room switched off, a mountain constructed out of chairs and everyone hiding, this was set one. Also, there were a number of memes in that class, most notably, a big eared kid with the thickest accent in the class (Liverpool) used to say "bang on" a lot for things that were unfair, (rather than correct, weird)

Upon which, one person would inevitably bellow "BANG ON!" and everyone would do a LOUD drum solo on the desks,

Also, an owl apparently lived up helen hallman's arse, and could be coaxed out with owl noises in the darkened classroom, she'd be greeted to that hand owl noise thing every morning.

Also, some guy had the worst spray tag imaginable, it was just basically the word "mesmer", written. that became the buzzword of the class, he was Mesmer, things were Mesmer-tastic, slightly-deaf teachers would be goaded with loud bellows of "Mesmer"

Also, there was a canadian lad by the name of John Morgan Stuart

His name had the same number of beats as the canadian national anthem, so every day he'd be greeted by the whole class singing the song of his native homeland, with his name interjected, thus...

"Jooohn Morgan Johnmorgan Stuuuuuuart"

Often accompanied by the whole class linking arms and waving lighters.

Upon hearing these memes, Weeksy, as he was referred to, would try to calm the class down by saying something to the effect of "alwight layds, pack i' in naw," to which people would imitate his speech doing dick van dyke legs.

Strangely, Weeksy never tired of it! This is why mr Weekes whould win one of those awards for extraordinary teachers, not some special ed teacher who works in deepest bloody peru teaching arithmetic to impoverashed, limbless infants and diffusing landmines by hand. Anyone who wouldn't be driven mad like so many music and RE teachers by our school, instead taking it all in good humour, deserves a gold medal.

If you had filmed our lessons, they'd pass for an episode of Shooting Stars. Or the next Rocky Horror Show it was great.
(Slyph, Thu 10 Nov 2005, 9:04, Reply)